


Closet full of Secrets

by Froggiestarrock



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Awkward Crush, Child Neglect, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Gender Dysphoria, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Misgendering, Multi, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, References to Depression, Slurs, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 20:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11448696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Froggiestarrock/pseuds/Froggiestarrock
Summary: Bradley always felt different, broken, weird. He didn't understand what was wrong with him until he came across the word 'transgender'. Now they must keep it a secret before they lose everything.(Perviously named secrets get untold)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this idea about trans girl Bradley and I made a fanfiction out of it. Enjoy! :D

Bradley's POV

I guess I always knew I wasn't like them. Like the other boys. I know it sounds so cliché but I just always knew. I didn't know why I was like that, I didn't know why I liked having my hair long, I didn't know why I liked bracelets, rings and girl's clips, or why I liked playing with typical girly stuff. I thought I was broken, I spent a segment year of my life in just pure confusion, I didn't know what was wrong with me. They don't really teach this subject in school, they don't see it as a need for our education so I had to find out by myself. I just stumbled on the word, 'transgender'. Now, I've never heard of anything like that, and I read into it and it totally boggled me because I knew something for my whole life and it turned out to be a lie. I spent a couple of weeks in denial. 

I deleted my search history and never looked about it again for a while. I finally gain enough courage to look into it more and realized that I wasn't broken at all, there was so many people just like me. I knew I could never come out as transgender to my parents, not after all the transphobic and homophobic language they have said in the past, not to mention their need for forcing gender roles on me 24/7. I know this from my attempt at growing my hair out, as soon as it got to the end of my neck, they forced me to get a haircut as soon as possible because they said I looked like a girl, I thought I didn't look girl enough. I have been in the closet for a while now, I didn't tell anyone for ages until finally telling Mort, well, he kind of found out by accident. 

I had left my little, purple notepad in class and he had offered to give it back to me, he looked through it and saw all the names that I was experimenting with, I still haven't found the right name yet, I also now keep my notepad safe in my backpack. Anyway, he asked me about it and I knew there was no way out of it. He was surprisingly supportive, even helped me out with my name but I know he didn't really understand at first, he's gotten better at least. I've looked up every article, every magazine, every book on the subject (spoiler, there isn't many), I've read tips on how to feel feminine while in the closet, the science of transgender people, I've read about other genders on the spectrum, LGBT+ youth groups, which I know I could never join and even explored my sexuality a bit. 

I sigh but it sounded more like a groan though as I walked into school, the bustling halls made it hard for anyone to get anywhere. I made it outside where I could see Mort waiting for me by the football field, a practice on right now. I was later than normal but only because of something really important to me, I should tell him about it... I stand next to him, he smiled down at me as I put my bag on one shoulder so I could open it up. I take out my purple notepad and flip through the pages as people passed us, holding it close to my chest.

"Sorry I'm late but I had to do something very important," I say, not even looking up at him yet, before he could ask me what it was, I already found the page I was looking for and held it up to him, "I just bought something, it should come by Thursday,"

On the page was cut out and stuck on pictures of this wig I had found online, it had lighter hair than what I had but it was closet to my hair color, it was past the shoulders shoulders and was straight. I normally put in my notepad stuff like this, that's why it couldn't fall in the wrong hands. Seeing as I couldn't grow out my hair, I found a way around the problem. It should deliver on the day when my parents were working late so I knew I would be the one who got it. I had saved up for a while for stuff like this, for the first time in a while, I was so excited. Mort looked at it and said.

"That's so cool B, you're getting closer to looking like a girl," he says, quietly and I smile slightly as I close the notepad, Mort normally called me B, it was so he didn't have to make me uncomfortable by saying Bradley.

He also used they/them pronouns for me when we were in public, nobody has seemed to notice so far, which was a relief. But then a football came flying to me and kicked the notepad out of my hands. Zack came running after the ball, Milo nearby, of course. I guess I should of knew that he would be here, seeing as he was one of the new cheerleaders after the whole scene at the last football game. I went to go pick up my book from the ground but Milo got to it first, he went to go give it back to me but then he saw one of the pages and started to read. I panic and snatch it from his hands before he could read too much before shoving it into my bag.

"Get off that, Murphy!" I yell as he flinched back in surprise and a bit of fear, I don't care right now, I was too scared on the thought on how much he read..

"S-Sorry! I just- I shouldn't of done that, sorry Bradley," he says, I clench my hands into fists but still storm off as Zack gets the ball and they begin practice their game again.

I head into school and try to get myself together, I hated this fear that someone knows, I'm scared that Milo read too much when it wasn't possible as there wasn't enough time where he had the notepad long enough to read a word. 

-

The bell rings for class and I start to head to first period, Science. When I got to class, Melissa was instantly on my back as we waited for the teacher to get here.

"You know, Milo was just trying to be helpful, he does want to be your friend," she says and I scoffed, taking out my science book and began to swipe through the pages, not looking at her.

"Yeah right, trying to be my friend by looking through my notepad after his curse probably knocked it out of my hands," I say, Melissa sighs in annoyance.

"What's so special about that notepad anyway, I keep on seeing it on you, is it like your diary or something?" She teases and I stop before looking at her.

"No. It's not my diary, it's also none of your business, it's my personal rights," I say, bitterly, emphasis on diary, looking back at my book.

"You know, boys can have diaries as well, it's nothing to be ashamed about," she says but I don't say anything, ignoring her, Melissa then finally left but without saying beforehand

"Why are all boys so insecure about their masculinity..?" I stop, I sigh silently before concentrating nearly all my attention on the pages of the book but the words on the paper were just going in one ear and out the other, my brain wasn't taking it in.

The teacher walked in and everyone sat down and stopped talking like a switch, Miss Johnson was extremely strict, she could kill a student with her stare. She sat down at her desk and began to do the register, calling out names in an alphabetical order. When I got to my name, I called out 'Here' like everyone else was but my voice cracked halfway through. Everyone began to chuckle then turned into full on laughs, it was really immature but I could feel my face heat up with embarrassment as I hide my face in my arms. Among the laughter and taunts, I hear someone say.

"Wow, you're turning into a man!" The words circled my head, eventually the teacher started to yell loud, giving me a headache as I look down at my desk, this wasn't fair, everything was quiet but inside my head was so loud with thoughts. It was only first period and I already wanted to die in a hole or at least be at home in the comfort of my bed.

-

Mort wasn't in most of my classes or it was just that I just didn't have the chance to talk to him most of the time. It was break and I met up with him in the main hall, he noticed me and I didn't even get to say hello before he said.

"You know, you should really become friends with Milo," This was so out of the blue, sure he had saw my little arguments with Milo in the past but didn't mention them it much so this made me really confused.

"Oh? Why do you think that?" I ask as I look up at him before looking at the table where Milo, Melissa and Zack were sitting, they were laughing and talking despite nobody else sitting next to them because of Milo.

"Well, I've been thinking and if you become friends with Milo, which isn't hard, that guy loves making friends, then you're instantly friends with Zack and Melissa and all three of them are the only ones that are openly an ally, they're cool with things like what you are," he says and I knew he was right but...

"How can you be so sure that they are supportive?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him, I had my doubts, I guess you could say I had trust issues but I say that I'm just careful and he looks at me, giving me this look.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that Zack is gay and Milo is pansexual, also they did that LGBT funding thing, so I'm pretty sure they are supportive," he says, stating facts I already knew, they didn't try to hide it either, almost everyone knows and not everyone is accepting and that's also a reason why I'm not coming out.

"Alright fine, I'll go apologize for this morning, it'll be a start I guess," I say as I begin to walk to their table, slowing down as I got closer, starting to chicken out, I had been mean to Milo for years probably, one simple apology wasn't going to cut it.

I got to their table and stopped at the edge of the table, they all looked up at me, my hands behind my back, "Hey Milo... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about how I reacted this morning, my notebook is just really personal and I was in the wrong here,"

"Wow Bradley, that was, actually surprising, it's fine really, I shouldn't of been too nosy, it's your stuff anyway, I didn't have any right snooping around in it," he says and I force a small smile but then he adds, "Do you want to sit with us?"

"Oh no, that's fine, don't want to be a burden but thanks, I guess, for the offer," I say before awkwardly start to walk back fast to Mort, keeping my head down and hands to my sides.

"So that wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, huh?" Mort asks and I groan, it could of gone better, I hid my face in hands and refused to look back at their table.

"It'll get better buddy, just keep on trying," He says, patting me on my back as I rub my palms into my eyes, I still had three more lessons till the end of the day, I was too tired.

-

The bell rang for next period, I had thought about it and I had finally took on board what Mort had said about the trio and I have made a effort to try but I forget to do it most of the time. I only did small things like let them borrow my pen or pencil, or helping Milo on a question when we sat to each other in maths. I think I still have a while to go, I didn't feel comfortable around Murphy's law yet but if nearly everyone else is okay with it then I should be too. It wasn't like it was his fault, he was actually a nice guy and I knew it, I just blamed him for all the times he's made people ignore me or interrupts me with a falling satellite or with an angry, rampaging rhino herd. 

-

It was the end of the day, I made sure that my notepad was in my bag this time as I went to exit the classroom like everyone else but then Melissa stopped me. I was worried that I had done something wrong until she said.

"Thank you, by the way, for apologizing, he really does want to be friends with you," she says and I pause for a moment, trying to say the right thing to fix this.

"No need to thank me, I have realized that I haven't been the nicest to Milo for no reason, so I'm trying to make things right," I say, trying to sound it like I meant it all the way, surprisingly, it's hard to change your feelings about someone just like that. (Sarcasm)

"Wow, you sound like a whole new person Bradley, good job," she says, giving me a light punch on the shoulder before leaving the classroom, I sigh before putting my backpack on my shoulders and leaving too.


	2. Chapter 2

Bradley's POV

I get home and take off my shoes before starting to walk to my room, my parents were sitting on the couch, watching TV, so it was no use trying to say hello when they didn't care, they were so absorbed in this show that was on when I found it boring and draining to watch, they had their backs to me anyway so they didn't notice me walk behind them. I go into my room and lock the door behind me, taking my backpack off and placing it on the floor before kneeling down to the ground so I could get the secret box from under my bed. My secret box wasn't much of a secret, it was only hidden behind another slightly bigger box and it contained all the little bits of makeup I could steal from my parent's room without getting caught. 

I've looked up videos and tutorials but I've struggled, there was so many brushes and types of makeup, different tools, it was confusing for someone who had been never been taught how to do it, I've wondered many times how some cisgender girls do this every day. I take out some of the natural style makeup and some wipes, I've been practicing for this thing I'm doing on Friday after school, I couldn't mess it up. I look at my mirror and was about to start until dysphoria started to fall on my shoulders like a weight. I was petite for sure but I wasn't exactly curvy, I was a ruler, no thighs, no chest, nothing. I examined everything I hated about myself, to my broad shoulders to my body hair. I sighed, I tried to ignore the heavy feeling and started to open up the makeup, taking off my glasses and putting them to the side. 

I open up my phone and go on to this trans makeup artist's tutorials and began to apply some foundation and stuff like that to to my face. My jawline, my slight adam's apples, they were still there, I hated them. I try and concentrate on the makeup instead, my eyes adverting to my phone to the mirror to know what to do and see what I'm doing. I take a deep breath and close my eyes when I was done. I prepared myself for the worst as I opened my eyes and see how it looked, It was rough, you could see my mistakes and it looked nothing like the picture. But... I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror, a real smile. I felt good about myself, I felt like I've gotten better at it, I felt... normal. Well, as normal it gets when you're a guy who believes he's a girl.

I just stare at myself for a while, a bit amazed before I finally gathered myself and opened up my closet, in pulled out the secret board on the bottom, because I'm that paranoid about my mom looking through my closet and made sure the door was locked again before pulling out the dress that was tucked under there. Mort had bought it for me for my birthday a couple of months ago, when I first got it, I nearly cried, but I still haven't had the courage to wear it yet. I placed it on my bed and looked at it, it was bright floral dress that was past the knees, it was apricot navy and sleeveless but had a high rounded neckline, the flowers were of colors of orange, yellow, blue, purple and lavender, it was a very nice dress.

I wondered if I should try it on but I was afraid that I would start crying, get it dirty or my parents see me like this. I had to keep it clean until Friday, I had no way of washing it because I knew my parents would find it. I had plans for Friday, I had been planning to do one of my biggest achievement or biggest mistake in my life, depending how it went. I was going to meet up with Mort in town dressed as me, not Bradley but as me, I was terrified and excited at the same time, I've never done anything like this before. I looked at myself in the mirror again as I grabbed the dress and put it in front of me, I smiled wider, I liked what I saw in the mirror, I felt like I actually knew who I was looking at, not a stranger anymore. I hear a knock on the door and I panic despite knowing that the door was locked.

"Bradley! Tea's ready!" It was mom, my eyes widened and I threw the dress back into the secret place of my closet and quickly got out some makeup wipes from my makeup box, while also saying back to her.

"Alright! Be out in a second!" I was panicking crazily as I looked at myself in the mirror and began to wipe off the makeup off my face, I heard footsteps out of my door leaving, I sigh in relief.

I don't stop until I was sure that all my makeup was gone from my face, I looked down at the now dirty wipe, I wanted to keep the makeup on but I knew I could as I just threw it into my bin and put on my glasses back on. I put the makeup back in my box before putting it under my bed and behind the other bigger box and made sure that everything was hidden and in it's right place before going out of my room and joined them at the dinner table, it was usually quiet at dinner time, I normally eat as fast I could and escape back to my room to not hear anything that I didn't want to hear. The only sound was the sound of silverware and eating, I kept mouth as I was nearly done forcing food into my mouth when I hear my mom speak from across the table.

"You know Bethany from work? Apparently, it turns out that she's a tr*nny, oh sorry, HE'S a tr*nny," She scoffs and laughs, my dad laughs too, I want to curl up into myself, I felt sick as I heard them laugh, not knowing that they were hurting me, I didn't want to eat anymore.

"I'm full..." I mutter as I stand up and walk away to my room, I guess I should be used to this, they were openly offensive but every word makes me fall deeper into the closet, every word makes me feel worse about myself.

I sigh as I close my bedroom door, I was so tired, it was exhausting, this happens nearly day, everything about day is normal and I knew that wasn't right. I lean on the door, my back to the wood as I take out my phone, trying to get my mind off it. I scrolled through social media but what they said was always in the back of my head, not really the offensive part but the name of the lady that my mom works with, Bethany, it was a nice name, I kind of liked it. I suddenly got a message from Mort.

Mort: Hey about Friday what do u want to do exactly when we get into town?

B: Not sure, we can figure it out when we get there  
B: Also, I've got something to say

M: Oh? :o

B: I've figured out the name I want

M: Oh my god, what is it?

B: Bethany 

M: That's a cool name, it suits you

B: Thanks,  
B: I'm kind of worried about Friday, what if we see people from school and they recognize me?

M: Don't worry about it  
M: I doubt that we will see anyone and I doubt even more that people will recognize you, it'll be fine

B: Thanks Mort..

M: No problem Beth! :)

B: Got to go, see you tomorrow

M: Bye.

I shut down my phone, tears were running down my cheeks, I didn't know if I was happy or sad anymore but I knew that I was scared, terrified even, I didn't want to go anymore, I was petrified. I slide down the door and curl into a ball as I started to sob. My glasses fell off my face and onto the floor as I weep into my knees, I don't know if my parents heard me but they sure as hell didn't check to see if I was okay. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear a sound except the ringing in my head. I just wanted it all to stop, I wanted to run away and live a different life, anyway from all of this, it just hurts too much but I knew I had to stay in the closet unless I wanted to get kicked out. I eventually started to breath again and dragged myself into bed so I could cried myself to sleep, I was pathetic but at least I wasn't homeless. I whimper at the thought as I close my eyes. Tomorrow is another day.

-

I wake up to my alarm angrily ringing at me to wake up, the Thursday morning feeling was hell, but then I remembered that my wig was coming today and that lofted my spirits but I remember I still have to wake up and go to school. I groan, my throat was raspy and I still in the clothes from yesterday as I had not gotten changed out of them, eyes burned and my glasses were discarded on the ground. I turn my alarm off before sitting up and grabbing my glasses, putting them on as I rubbed my eyes and looked around. My body ached from an uncomfortable sleep and my hair was all frizzy and a mess. I slip on some clean clothes and tried to mange my mop of knotty, black hair with a brush. I exited my room to find the house silent, my parents must be already at work. 

I grab myself some cereal before sitting down at the dining table. I began to eat as I take out my phone from my pocket and look start to go through it, I was following trans tips and trans positive blogs on Tumblr and I had other trans-related sites on my bookmark, if anyone found my phone, they might think I had a fetish or something but it was that I want to know more about transgender stuff because nobody really told me any of it. I had stumbled across this article about a trans girl and her realization of begin trans and coming out, stuff like that, but it was really inspiring somehow for me. I became engrossed in it, not taking my eyes off the screen as I began to get ready for school, dumping my empty bowl and spoon into the sink as I get my bag and start to stuff my books and other necessary items. 

I was in no hurry as I always woke up early so I could have lots of free time. By the time that I got to the bus station, I still had time to kill so I took my phone out, the article still up and I continued to read it, I didn't realize I was smiling until someone poked me in the side, I looked over and saw the trio of Milo, Melissa, and Zack, Melissa begin the one to poke me. I looked up at them as she says to me.

"What you reading?" She teases slightly, longing out the word what too long as insecurities take over me and I put my phone away instantly, nervously standing in place.

"Nothing!" I say too fast and I could feel my face heating up with embarrassment as I cleared my throat and said, "It's... nothing, why do you ask?"

"It's just you were smiling sweetly so I was wondering what would make you smile like that," she says and I bring my hand to my lips, I had been smiling, I knew because my jaw ached, I feel my face heat up even more.

"Oh, sorry..." I mutter, not really knowing why I was apologizing, I guess it was just first instinct, I was worried that I was been too awkward but then she laughs her bubbly laugh, I start to smile again but only slightly.

"Don't worry about it, it was cute," she says, pushing a piece of her curly hair behind her ear, smiling at me, I just chuckle nervously as I blush harder, my face probably red by now, I couldn't stop smiling now.

The bus pulled up at our stop and all the kids started to pile into the bus, by the time that I got on, there were no seats left where I didn't have to sit next to a complete stranger. I was thinking about just standing up the whole ride to school but then I see Milo, Melissa, and Zack, Milo was waving for me to come over there with his normal grin on his face. I hesitantly walked over there and sat next to them, Melissa in the seat next to me. I remember what Mort had said yesterday, I could be friends with them if I tried I guess...


	3. Chapter 3

Bethany's POV

I walk into school, it feels just like yesterday except from the odd feeling that something was off. I guess it's for the fact that my package is coming today or the fact that I have become semi-friends with Milo and his gang but I had the feeling that something was just not right. I walk into the main hall where I see Mort sitting by himself on one of the tables, I sit next to him and he looks down at me before smiling and saying quietly in the loud and crowded room.

"Hey Beth," he acts like it's natural, I gave him a sideways look, narrowing my eyes, nobody had heard but I was still scared that someone had, I was scared of someone finding out.

"Don't call me that in public, you have no idea who could be listening," I say, my paranoia getting the best of me, Mort just shrugged and continued to smile lazily like usual.

"Alright, say, isn't your parcel supposed to be coming today?" He asks, I was about to say something when Milo, Zack and Melissa walked over to us.

"Hey Bradley, Mort, mind if we sit here with you guys? There is nowhere else to sit.." Milo says, I look around, he was right, the hall was completely crowded, our table was the most empty as it was only us two.

"Sure! You don't mind right B?" Mort answers for me and I just look up at him and narrow my eyes before nodding weakly as I looked down at the table, Melissa sat next to me

"So um... Mort, about my um parcel..." I say nervously, sneaking glances at the trio beside me, they had launched back into their conversation they were having before, I still add, "It'll come today, after school,"

"What will come today?" Milo asks, confusion on his face, I panic, I don't try to show it though but I still have my eyes slightly widened and my lip bit.

"Um... Nothing important, just something, my parents won't be home so I bought something online, I was just talking to Mort about it.." I nervously say, looking after from them and I scratch the back of my neck, a knot in my stomach.

"Your parents won't be home? Why not?" Zack asks, I start to get annoyed but don't show it, I don't like it when people were nosey, especially when it's my personal business. 

"They work late on Thursdays so I'll be home alone, I'm too old for a babysitter and I'm an only child so yeah..." I mutter, I hated talking about this kind of stuff, I barely even talked to Mort about my family life, even this was news to him.

"You can come over to mine if you want, Melissa and Zack are already coming over, it'll be fun!" Milo says, I look at him for a second to see if he was being serious before looking at his friends and looked back at him to say.

"I'm not sure... I don't want to be a bother or anything," I point out, but it was because I was worried about my parcel going into the wrong hands and also I was worried about going into a house with two Murphys in it, wow that sounded horrible.

"It's fine! I don't mind, we're friends now, right?" He says, his cute big smile on his lips and a certain sparkle in his eyes, I do one thing to be nice to him and he now sees me as his friend, it left me speechless for a minute before I finally said.

"Um... Yeah, alright, sure, I guess I can come over," I shrugged slightly as I looked away from them, tapping my fingers on the table in a rhyme nervously, I wasn't sure why but I couldn't really say no, I think it was his look, it was too happy and hopeful, innocent even.

"Great! I'm looking forward to seeing you after school!" He says, there was no way somebody, especially someone like him, could be that happy, there was no way, it almost seemed impossible but there he was, grinning like a madman as he says he was looking forward to see me.

I looked at Melissa and Zack, they were smiling too at me but of course not as much as Milo. I had a bad feeling about it all, I could feel the knot in my stomach tighten as my mind raced with every scenario that could go wrong. God, what had I gotten myself into you?

-

Nothing interesting happened over the next classes, unless you count the classes that I had Milo with, like the spreading bunsen burner fire in Science and the great rat escape in Biology (someone said that I had screamed like a girl over a rat so I guess that's something). I was exhausted, but not even sleep tired, I knew this kind of tiredness couldn't be fixed with any amount of sleep, it was like having a weight on your back for an the whole day that nobody, not even yourself can see, it was like losing your motivation or inspiration or the self confidence you've tried to gain for so long suddenly disappearing at once and having no clue why. I sighed, as the time to the end of the day got closer, I didn't feel better, I felt worse even.

I watched the clock and it's hands as they slowly moved, the teacher to my last lesson talked in a tone which sounded like they'd rather be dead then be here, there was a lot of teachers and students like that. I didn't want to go to Milo's, I was too tired, mentally and physically, I never really did, I knew something bad was probably going to happen but I still said yes and now there was no way to get out of this. I just didn't feel like doing anything ever, I kind of just wanted to disappear for a while, I don't know, I'm just either really tired or lazy or just really antisocial, probably all three. I mean, it wasn't like it would be even safer feeling then my own actual house but, I don't know why I don't want to go, it could be my chance to come out to more people... Yeah right, like I can get the confidence to do that.

I walk out of school and onto the bus, Milo and his friends take the same bus as me anyways so I can go to Milo's house with them. As I walk to the back of the bus were I normally sit, I couldn't help but worry, I know my parents won't be home right now or for a while as they both should be at work still but I worried that one of them get home early or something and get to the parcel before I could. I only snap out of my circling thoughts when I look out of the bus window and see a flaming tire roll by then before falling onto the ground, a loud crash could be heard behind the bus and and a couple of seconds later, the Milo gang came running into the bus, Milo's vest partly on fire, which he quickly extinguished with an extinguisher he kept in his backpack. 

All the other school buses were already gone as the bus driver always waited minutes more then the other buses as Milo was always a bit late for many different reasons. I take out my headphones and phone, only putting one bud into my ear before playing music from my phone. I feel the bus begin to move with a start, the kids on the bus causing chaos and noise. I was about to out the other earbud into my ear to drain out the noise when somebody tapped on my shoulder, it was Melissa. I looked up from my phone and over at her, only now noticed the Milo group was sitting next to me at the back, my bag was on the seat next to me though so not exactly next to me. 

"Still coming with us to Milo's house?" She asks, smiling at me, Milo and Zack were chatting and laughing behind her, Milo was rambling on about something that happened last week and Zack was smiling wide at him, blush on his cheeks, Zack clearly had a crush on him.

"Oh um... Yeah, I am.." I mutter, fiddling with the wire on my headphones, my eyes going from my phone to her, speaking of crushes, I smiling slightly at her, my cheeks flushing slightly.

"Cool, you know, it's nice to know that know we will hang out more, It's a shame we don't talk more," she says and a make a bashful version of an agreement sound before she gets crawled into Milo and Zack's conversation.

I watch them for a second before putting my headphones on, I didn't want to be part of their conversation anyway, I don't even think we have the same things in common, and there is also the fact that they don't even know me that well. It's weird to think about how we've been in the same classes as each other for years yet we haven't talked to each other at all over that time, well I mean, I have been avoiding a certain someone but I guess I didn't plan for Melissa or even Zack to hang out with Milo constantly. I guess I was scared of the curse, it was unpredictable, anything could happen, my life is in danger just by begin by him which is a terrifying thought. At least, it was scary before but as the days go by with me hating myself, I don't mind the thought of death. 

I know that's not technically a good thing to be okay with death and I've become more reckless when it comes to dangerous situations nowadays but now I am less anxious to be around Milo, heck, I'm even happy to be around him. I bite my lip slightly as I listen to my thoughts, I look at Milo, begin careful to not catch his eye before sighing under my breath and looked down at my lap, wondering what it would be like to have that curse weighing on your shoulders 24/7, never-ending, people begin scared of you. Thinking about it kind of makes me want to listen to Mort's idea to become closer friends with Milo and his friends, this also means I can spend more time with Melissa but I shouldn't get my hopes up about begin anything more then friends.

I started daydreaming, the images in the window were a blur and I wasn't listening to my music anymore, I wouldn't of know it was my stop until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up and see Melissa again, smiling, except now standing up, Zack and Milo behind her, ready to go, I look back at the window and see that it was my stop. I quickly grab my backpack and head of the bus with them. They instantly get back into their conversation or they may of never stopped, I kind of felt like the 3rd wheel, in a complex way, as we walk to Milo's house. It kind of made sense that we were going there instead of anyone else's house, seeing as it must be Murphy's Law proof. I walk behind them, not saying a word, I felt awful today, more awful then I already feel, I didn't have any energy to move my mouth, let alone start a conversation. 

I was interrupted from my thoughts as Melissa walked beside me and nudged me with her elbow. She was grinning, I gave back a tiny, weak smile, I felt drained, it was exhausting to just do that. I knew she wanted to say so much, it was sealed on her face, you could tell by her expression, but she couldn't, I wasn't sure what she actually want to say, wasn't sure if I had the energy to bother but what I hear her say is.

"To be honest, I'm really glad you're here, I don't see you as often as I would want to..." She sounded sincere, she was scratching the back if her neck nervously as she stared down at me.

"Oh um... C-Cool," I stutter, nervously panicking as I look down, mentally screaming at myself as my cheeks flush bright red, she was trying to be sincere and I just said 'cool', god, I hated myself so much, but then I hear her giggling.

"Dude, chill, you're with the Murphy crew now, you can relax with us," she says, joking with me as she slings an arm around me and I end up panicking even more but don't try to show it by smiling up at her and giving a thumbs up.

She laughs but leaves her arm around me. It was slightly awkward to me but I wasn't arguing as it kind of felt warm and safe. And also it made my heart race at a 100 beats a second but they couldn't hear it so it didn't matter. There was so much I wanted to say but couldn't as we approached Milo's house. I felt a bit of a drop in my heart despite the warm touch, that's when I knew that something was going to happen, something bad...


	4. Chapter 4

Bethany's POV 

Milo's house was... How do I put this..? Surprisingly clean? Weirdly stable? I mean, the windows weren't broken and there wasn't a satellite crashing through the roof, it was oddly calm... His parents were out to go and try and repair their car after an accident and his sister was out with some friends so we went straight to his room, which was, another surprise, on the second floor. I guess it could be good for floods or something, but not very good if he comes crashing through the floor into the downstairs. When we entered the house, Melissa put her arm off of me and I hated it, not really her for doing it that I was kind of touch-starved and the warm sensation ghosted my skin and I missed it. We entered Milo's room, it was nice and they were wrapped up in a conversation so I decided to look around the room. 

He had a table to the wall covered with school work, stationery, and backup stationery, he seems to struggle with some classes, judging on the grades I could see without looking nosy. His bed was even weirder then the whole second-floor situation, it was in the air and it was possible for him to fall out of bed and probably badly hurt his head, I wonder how many times he falls out of bed a night... I guess it could be good so nothing falls on him in his sleep like a tree or something but still. He had a closet filled with mostly the same pair of clothing of armored sweater vests and yellow shirts, but the other clothes he owned that I could see were very colorful and I think I could see his cheerleader outfit. I examine his shelves, he sure did like his plush animals, but then I saw it, a small set of makeup. 

Now I've never ever seen Milo wear makeup before, even if I wasn't around him much, I would have heard about it from other people as things that are claimed as flaws or weakness can spread like wildfires in a school, even if you do it out of school, one person can spot you and that's it, your reputation goes down rapidly like a rock rolling down a cliff. I slowly start to walk over to it and picked up one of the objects, it was a tube of mascara, the lid partly open. There were other objects like lipstick, eye-shadow, blusher, and foundation, there was a lot of foundation and concealer, must be for the scars, all the makeup had been used before. I heard them talking, that snapped me out of my daze and I quickly put it down where it was and turn back to them. 

I wondered why Milo even had makeup, it must be his sister's or something as his parents wouldn't buy him any, right? But why would he want makeup anyway? I imagined Milo in makeup and immediately dismissed that thought quickly. I try to not get too deep in my thoughts and tried to listen to their conversation. They were talking about a show I've never heard of, I don't normally watch television as my parents would proper kick off if they see me watching anything at all and claim me to a be lazy and useless, I don't have tea after that and I'm forced outside until dark, they always find something I'm doing wrong to tell me off and criticism me with so I normally stay in my room so they can only complain about that and nothing else. 

Their conversation was something about time travelers and I think a thing about an ape, let's just say that I didn't try and join the conversation so I didn't sound like a fool, they sounded quite obsessed with it, a new season was confirmed or something. I tuned them out until it all became one noise until it was like static. I looked down at the ground, feeling pretty exhausted. I didn't want to catch anyone's eye so I tried to look for something else to look at instead, I subconsciously let my eyes travel over to the makeup set, I was practically staring at it as thoughts ran through my head nonstop. I didn't realize that anyone had said my name until somebody wrapped their arm around my shoulder and drags me slightly closer to them until our bodies were touching, the sudden touch making me flinch. 

I looked up at Melissa, my cheeks flushed but I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or my undying crush on her, probably both. Her blue eyes stared into my dark ones, her casual smug smile on her face. I then knew she had asked me a question and I had no clue what it was, that made me feel pretty stupid. As Zack and Milo stared at me, I feel so aware of everything wrong with me like I could feel their disliking of me through their stares. I stumble and stutter on my words as I tried to form a single sentence.

"Um... W-What did you say..?" I ask, idiotically, Melissa just chuckles and starts to ask the question again, with me actually listening now and not looking dumbfounded.

"I asked if you were interested in makeup?" Melissa asks, I feel a lump in my throat, I was caught off guard, I wonder how much they knew, I was panicked until she added, "I saw you staring at Milo's makeup and I was just wondering..."

"Milo's makeup?" I ask suddenly, looking at Milo, my eyebrows stitched together in confusion, I look back at Melissa who was looking at me like I was the one being weird, "Why does Milo have makeup...?"

"Because it's fun! You should really try it! I've done Zack's and Melissa's makeup before too! Oh my god, we should do your makeup!" Milo bursts out, throwing his arms in the air as he says the last sentence, my eyes widen.

"Wait- No! I mean, I-I don't um really-" I panic out a sentence, It could be good, I could bond with them too, there were so many pros but what was stopping me from being willing to go through with this?

"Milo, you are a genius, that's such a great idea! I always wondered what you would look like with makeup on!" Melissa says, everyone was smiling, I less so, I could feel her give my shoulder a light squeeze.

"This is going to be great!" Milo says, jumping up and down, jumpy to go get his makeup set, flapping his arms in excitement, I bite my lip nervously, a tight knot tightened in my stomach.

"I don't know guys... I-I don't think-" I tried to stop them, there was this feeling that this wasn't right, it's wrong, I can't wear makeup in front of people, at least I thought so, it's what I've been taught, was this wrong?

"Oh come on, it'll be cool, trust me, Milo is really good at this stuff, you'll look amazing," Zack says, Melissa nods and I see a look of pride and embarrassment glow Milo's face, growing red as he smiles.

"I um... I don't..." I start, my eyes darting between the three around me to the floor, I saw their smiles start to fall, my body stiffened more, I took a deep breath before saying, "Sure,"

Milo started to gather up all his makeup supplies with a childlike hope in his eyes and a toothy grin on his lips as Melissa told me to sit down on his beanbag chair. I cross my legs and fiddled with my thumbs nervously, leaning back into the chair to try and relax, biting my bottom lip, a pit in my gut, a lump in my throat. I instantly sit up straight when they were done hoarded shelves for makeup, Milo had a big armful of stuff and sat down on their knees ahead of me, I shuffle off the beanbag and sat in front of them. I place my hands on my lap while Milo dumps to things on the ground in a big heap of bottoms and containers of lots of diverse colors. I look down at them, few I recognized the logo of, some I even had but in a different shade, I wondered why again why Milo even has this stuff.

I've seen stuff about cis boys wearing makeup before and how it was normal but I guess that my parents just locked into my brain that it was wrong, even when I try to wear makeup, I feel like a freak, no matter how much better I get at it and how much I tell myself that it was okay, I always feel like I was doing something terrible. I gulp, wanting to say something as they mutter to themselves, why couldn't I just be happy? They were clearly trying to do something with me with once, they were trying to not make this awkward because I'm a pain to be with... I didn't realize I was slightly shaking until I feel someone's hand on mine. I flinch so badly that they quickly repel their hand.

"Bradley? Are you okay...?" I look up, they were all staring at me with concerned eyes, god, I hated that name, I hated their pity, I hated all of this, I just wanted to go home but I knew I'd be alone if I went there.

"...oh um, y-yeah, just tired, that's all..." I muttered and they gave a glance to each other like talking through their minds, like they knew I was lying that they didn't talk about it afterward.

They start to giggle again and I wanted to sigh in relief but don't as they start to talk about what makeup they should use. Milo was sat in front me on his knees, Zack and Melissa on either side of him, with the makeup supplies lined up nearly in front of him, he looks at them before picking up a brush and a skin tone like filled tube. He put some on his hand, a bit too much and got some on the brush before applying it to my face, it was like a foundation. I closed my mouth and eyes, tensing up, when the brush was on my forehead, I muttered with a nervous laugh.

"I'm like... terrified right now," I say, telling the truth, I've never had someone do my makeup before and I didn't know how to do it myself, I didn't know what I was supposed to do and I was scared that I was doing it wrong.

Milo just laughs.

That didn't make me feel any better about this. Once again, there was that knot in my stomach as Milo told me what to do with my face as he applied different types of makeup. Zack and Melissa were chatting and talking about which Milo should do to my face, they were giggling, you could tell when Milo had messed up. They wouldn't let me see the results until it was done, that made me more nervous about this whole situation but I tried my best not to show it. I'm surprised that Milo didn't mess up more times then he did and didn't stab me in the eye with the eyeliner.

"How come you know what you're doing?" I ask a question which has been on my mind for a while after Milo applied some lipstick to me, his tongue slightly sticking out without him knowing as he worked.

"My mom taught me the basic when I asked her around... 2-3 years ago and I just kept on practicing," he responds with, smiling slightly as he looks at me, my eyebrows furrowed together.

"Oh... my mom would never do that for me..." I mutter, feeling whiny but also depressed to the reminded fact that my mom would never like me for me.

"Why's that?" Melissa asked, her eyes narrowed, I didn't expect anyone to listen to and I was caught a bit off guard despite it being a simple question enough to ask.

"W-Well... my mom just doesn't... approve of this stuff..." I stumbled on my words looking around the room and not them as I gestured to my face full of makeup, Milo looked more confused than they did.

"She doesn't like makeup?" Milo said in a puzzled tone, his face twisted in confusion with his head tilted to a side as his eyes brows stitched together, his mouth a thin line of a frown. 

"No! She doesn't like boys wearing makeup, it's weird and unnatural! Men who do it are freaks!" I had raised my voice in my accidental outburst, my hands in right fists as I repeat what she has told me to my face, they look slightly taken aback.

"... Your mom is wrong, no offense, but that isn't true, it's completely normal, I and Zack wear makeup all the time, are we freaks because of that?" Milo asks me in a gentle tone, I quickly shake my head.

"Exactly, it's not unnatural at all! You're wearing makeup right now and you aren't weird, right?" Zack joins in the conversation but I don't shake my head because I'd feel like I was lying but I don't nod either because I knew they wouldn't like it.

They look at each other when they noticed I didn't agree like they could sense my insecurities radiating off me. I just wanted the subject to end, I didn't want to talk anymore, I knew they were trying to help but I just like a boy who liked makeup, I felt shame for feeling that way. I think Melissa picked this up as I heard her say.

"Hey Milo, don't you think he needs a bit of blusher?" Milo looks over at me and smiled, nodding while making a sound of agreement, I was relieved that the subject along with its tension had been dropped.


	5. Chapter 5

Bethany's POV

Milo finished the last bits to his makeup as Zack and Melissa cracking a few jokes and started to talk about their least favorite teachers. Zack's was Mrs. Smith who was really old and has said some pretty racist things. Melissa's was Mr. Brown because he constantly bashes her on her flaws and humiliates her in front of the class. Milo's was Miss Andrews because she still calls him a jinx even when he tells her to not and blames him for things that sometimes aren't even his fault because he wasn't even there.

"Which teacher do you hate Bradley?" Melissa asks, she was laying on the ground, looking at me, I didn't have to think much to know which one I hated, Milo was looking for something so I could talk.

"Mr. Johnson," I say with a blank tone of voice, looking over at thin air as I fiddle with my thumbs, feeling pretty confident because I was feeling feminine and after that talk about everything begin normal. 

Mr. Johnson was a jerk but only to me, he would constantly criticisms all the things I liked about myself until I hated them, he makes me feel stupid and weak, just because he thought I was gay, which I wasn't technically, bisexual actually, but I'm sure it's all the same to him. He has muttered homophobic words under his breath as I would walk by, he would always target me and put me on the spot, even when he knew I hated it but I think that's why he did it. He also teaches Biology so he had an excuse to shove down my throat that there were only two genders and that men have XY chromosome only and women have XX chromosome only and that there was no way to change that. Making me feel pretty terrible about myself either way.

"What? No way, Mr. Johnson rules," Melissa says, my eyes widen, she was smiling, it was weird to hear those words from someone I liked but I had to remind myself that he was only mean to me.

"I-" I was about to start a lecture that I didn't want start about how she was wrong but before I could begin, Zack interrupted me.

"Actually, now that you mentioned it, Bradley, I change my mind, Mr. Johnson is my least favorite too," Zack was looking down at his lap, I stared at him, my eyes slightly wider before I realized that Zack was outed as gay to the school.

"Seriously? What did he do?" Melissa asks, I and Zack look at the other and give each other a sympathetic look through our eyes, knowing that we probably have the same issue with him.

"He's just... A bit, you know... Homophobic..." Zack mutters with an anxious tone of voice, mumbling out the last word, scratching the back of his neck nervously, Melissa's eyes widened.

"Really? Oh god, I had no idea... How so..?" Melissa asks as Milo comes back, interested in the conversation yet also concerned as he looks at Zack, something in his hand that was shiny.

"He just has been muttering horrible things to me when nobody is looking ever since that jerk outed me..." Zack responds with, his bottom lip bit as he has his fingers interlock together as his leg bounces up and down.

"He does it to me too... He is always purposely making me uncomfortable, a drop in my self-esteem is mainly because of him," I add on, not wanting to intrude on their conversation but said something anyway.

"Oh, I'm very sorry you guys, I had no clue... Wait? You're gay?" Melissa says, looking between us before placing her eyes on me, everyone looks too, I suddenly feel heavy, I felt anxious as I try to say something.

"Well... N-Not exactly- I mean I don't- I'm not... I guess...?" I stumble on my words, not having the confidence to actually answer the question, I see Melissa's face change.

"Questioning?" Milo asks, trying to help with my jumble of words, I take a silent deep breath, try to ensure myself that everything is okay, pushing my doubts to the back of my mind and open my mouth.

"Bisexual actually," I say as monotone as I could, trying to come out in small portions, but seeing as exhausting that was, I'm not sure if I can go through with coming out as trans.

"Oh cool! I'm pan!" Milo grinned, his legs crossed as he pointed at himself with his thumb, Melissa looks up, she kind of looks relieved but I don't know why.

"Awesome, we're bi buddies," Melissa announces, I was kind of staring at her, counting all the freckles on her cheeks, my cheeks feeling warmer, not taking in what she was saying so just chuckling weakly.

"Oh! By the way Bradley, would you mind if I tried something?" I hear Milo speak so I look over in his direction, I see him holding a small plastic tub of glitter, "I've tried to do this before but it didn't go well..."

"No no no! That's not happening." I begin, thinking about how I've heard how glitter is to get off and if my parents see me with one speck of glitter on me then they'll probably go mental.

"Oh come on Bradley! It'll be cool! You'll be my little experiment!" Milo begs, his bottom lip slightly out in a pout, his eyes shining like a kicked puppy's, I sigh slightly under my breath, knowing full well that Milo's hurt eyes could get anyone to do anything.

"...Fiinnee, bedazzle my face then, it better be worth it though," I say, not wanting to but seeing Milo so happy made me a lot calmer then I'm normally, it was weird but I didn't care, which was a nice change for once.

Milo giggles and opens the tub, immediately spilling half on it on his sweater vest so it looked like it should be in the little girl's section. That reminds me, it's been oddly calm lately, I was expecting at least a tree to come flying through the window or a rabid squirrel to jump at us when we were walking here, which must mean that something bad must happen later on, the more time that nothing goes wrong, the worse the next disaster will be right? Is that how it works? I have no clue... Milo starts to apply glitter to my face, I'm worried about it going into my eyes. After he was done, Milo stood up to go get a mirror for me to see what he's done to my face, the other two being to comment about it as my anxious nerves started up.

"I must say, you did a very good on the glitter after last time..." Zack says to Milo, who was rummaging through his closet behind me, I could hear crashes and bashes, which was concerning, I turn my attention to Zack.

"What exactly happened last time..?" I ask, curiosity and confusion bled from my voice, looking at him, I could hear Melissa start to giggle beside him, cute.

"Well, there was a disaster with some glitter, a hog and a stick of dynamite..." Zack beings, his hand on his chin and a look in his eye like he was trying to remember what had happened but I stop him before he could start talking again.

'Wait- what were you guys doing with a stick of dynamite? Also, what was a hog doing here?" I ask, nothing making sense but when I look at them for answers, they just shrug their shoulders, I opened my mouth to say something else when Milo interrupted me.

"Found one!" He yells and comes back to the group holding a mirror that wasn't cracked surprisingly, he was grinning like usual, I was getting anxious again, what if I look weird? What if I look bad?

Before I could slip in an anxiety attack, Milo plonked the mirror in front of me. I froze as I look at myself in the mirror, I looked... great. Milo had done a better job then I could ever do, I actually liked looking at this me, I felt proud, I felt... overwhelmed. I didn't know how I felt about this, it was just so much. Before I could even register what was going on, I felt a tear slide down my cheek, I could feel their eyes staring at me. I couldn't look at them, my eyes were glued to the mirror in my hands, not wanting to look in their eyes to see their look or if they can see right through me. I flinched when I felt something warm on my shoulder, it was a hand, my head was spinning, full of racing thoughts but a heard a voice through the screams.

"Bradley... Are you okay..?" It was Melissa, I think, yeah, it was her, god I hated that name, that wasn't me, I can't breathe, what do I say? Was I okay..?

"I-I-I... I h-have to go..." I say quietly as I stand up, starting to stutter annoyingly as another tear slid down my other cheek, I looked down at the ground as they stood up too.

"What...? Bradley what are-" Zack says, I could hear the worry in his voice but I was too panicked, I hated that name, I hated all of this, I hated living like this.

"I have to go!" I say more loudly, cutting him off, I cover my mouth afterward, I ruin everything, I'm a freak, useless, annoying, I being to run for the door.

I dashed down the stairs and grabbed my bag on the way out, I heard voices calling for me but I had already slammed the front door on my out and was running. It was raining heavily and the rain soaked my clothes but I didn't care and just kept on running. The ground was slippy and I ended up slipping and crashing my skull to the concrete surface, grazing my hands and knees. I was gasping for air, tears streaming down my face but I didn't wipe them away because I didn't want to wipe away the makeup for some reason. I was alone, the one sound was the rain hitting the ground. The road was empty, I was on my own. I didn't want to stay here any longer so I dragged myself up to stand, my body was exhausted. 

I began to walk but I had no clue where I was or where I wanted to go. I didn't know if I should go home, I never felt safe there, even in my room, but nobody can disturb me there too. It's better than staying in the rain I guess, where anyone can see me in this terrible state. I clutched my self with my arms around my torso as my body shook, tears clouding my vision but I still didn't wipe away the tears, even though the makeup is probably ruined by now. I knew something would go wrong but I didn't listen, now they probably think I'm a weirdo, there goes one plan down the drain. I wonder if they were going to tell the whole school about how I cried like a baby for no reason and had a freak outburst. I knew they wouldn't do that though because they not like that. 

Also, I'm sure that they don't want people to know that they wear makeup, not wanting to give the bullies more things to bully them for, I knew it was like an unspoken rule, you could see it in their eyes. I could see my house in the distant, dread filling me, I still struggle to breathe, I felt like I was going to throw up. I take out my key and went to unlock my door but to my surprise, it was unlocked. My eyes widened, fear replacing the dread, this was bad, this meant that someone was already home early. I opened the door, I could hear the television from the next room. I needed to escape to my room as soon as possible but then I remembered my parcel, wasn't it meant to come today? Then it struck me, someone already found it. I was frozen in fear as I tried to figure out around this, I'm so dead...

Before I could even start to think in my empty head, I heard a voice call out for me from the living room. It was my dad.


	6. Chapter 6

Bethany's POV

I could feel my heart beat faster, my hands were getting clammy, I couldn't breathe!

"Bradley! Come here now!" His voice was booming, my head hurt, he couldn't see me like this, he would kill me if he saw with makeup on me or see me crying like a baby but he would kill me if I don't go so I walk into the living room.

"Where were you?" He says in a gruff voice but the way his back was turned to me so he could watch his show means he doesn't actually care about where I was.

"I was at a friend's house, we were doing a school project..." I say the first excuse I could think of as I looked down at the ground, my heart was beating fast, I was terrified.

"Whatever... you've got a parcel for you, by the way, it's on the dining room table.." my dad says, I began to have even more fear, he found it, I was shaking at this point.

"Have you got a cold or something," he suddenly asks, he was talking about my nose begin runny because of my recent breakdown, I tried to force myself to speak, my words were stuck in my throat.

"N- Yeah, I do... I'm g-going to get my p-parcel..." I stutter, despite knowing that he hates it when I do because it seems weak, and head to the dining room, like he said it would be, the parcel was on the table.

I picked up, it was kind of light, but the other thing I noticed first was that it unopened, my dad hadn't seen it after all. Hope filled me for once, I could calm down now knowing that he doesn't know. I let out a sigh of relief, everything is going to be fine. But then I remember I still had the drama going on with Milo's group. They'll probably try and talk to me tomorrow but I really didn't want to, I wasn't ready to talk about anything. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do except just ignore them despite them being in the same class as me. I groaned under my breath before turning around to take the box into my room. My dad stood there in the doorway, his eyes glaring down at me, I froze immediately. 

"What you got there...?" He asks, looking down at the box in my hands, he looked like he was in a bad mood, which means he got sent home early from work because of something, it's better not to ask, I know from experience.

"Just something for school..." I mutter the first thing I thought of, it would make sense with my at friend's house for a project lie, he wasn't listening though, he was looking at me like I had just turned into an alien, when he opened his mouth, the thing he said filled me with fear.

"What's that rubbish on your face?" He growls out, I put a hand to my face, makeup, he's talking about my makeup, he saw me with makeup on, I'm dead, I try and calm down as I quickly try to stutter out an excuse.

"Well um... Y-You see, one of my friends, who's a girl, wanted to try putting makeup on me?" I say like it was a question, it wasn't all a lie but it didn't make any sense in the way I put it, he narrows his eyes at me.

"Weirdo..." he mutters with venom on his voice, I look down to the ground, feeling like dirt, he turns away to go back into the living room, then he adds, "Go take that garbage off, you look like a freak..."

I dash into the bathroom as fast as I could to refrain from talking to my father more, parcel in hand, pressed tightly into my chest as I close the door behind me. I can't breathe. I fall to my knees, tears coming even furiously down my face. I can't see. My head was pounding as I let out a painful sob, trying my best to keep quiet. I can't hear. All I hear is my heartbeat and the pathetic noises that leave my mouth. I can't feel. I was numb, I was crying so painfully that I felt myself struggling to even get a breath through my sobs. I threw the parcel across the room, not caring where it went, I didn't want to see it, not that it could with all the tears blocking my view. Freak. Words circled my mind, I couldn't get them out, they were stuck in my brain, every little thing they've said is now suffocating me.

Weirdo. I press my back to the door of the bathroom, the texture of the surface bringing me slightly to reality as I gripped the fabric of the mat under me. Pathetic. It wasn't enough, I fell even deeper into darkness, I was bubbling and I doubled over, tears leaving my face and splashing onto the floor. Burden. I fall onto my side, my knees pressed against my chest, curling into a ball, holding myself, something digging into my hip. Disgrace. I let out a few more sobs, not being able to do anything, feeling empty, everything was a daze as I laid there on the floor of my bathroom in the dark before I hadn't been able to even turn the light on before falling into a panic attack. Annoying. I was babbling mess, my face soaking wet with tears because I hadn't bothered to wipe them away. 

Nothing. I felt nothing, I didn't even feel sad, just maybe a bit overwhelmed but deep down, I felt empty, hollow. Needy. When I calmed myself down enough to try and move, being able to breathe just a bit easier, I dragged myself up and leaned my body weight onto the sink and hauled myself up so I could look at myself in the mirror to see how bad I really looked. My makeup was terribly smudged and ruined, I could see the freak my father says I am when I looked at myself tonight. My eyes were so puffy and red, my eyelashes damp, my cheeks flushed, my hair frizzy, messy and my face wet and thin. I've never hated myself more than I do now, everything I've ever liked about myself I could no longer see

Everything about me was weird, gross, my face was so ugly, my body was skinny, the bags under my eyes were getting darker by the day from all the restless nights, I almost looked dead, like a zombie, my eyes staring at myself with a cold and blank stare, a frown sealed on my lips, and my masculine features felt bolder than ever. I hated my terribly short hair, my visible jawline and adam's apple, my nonexistent chest that I wished nights away wasn't so, my chubby torso and arms, my scrawny legs, my disgusting face, everything was wrong. I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish I was just a normal boy, this boy would get good grades in school, he would have tons of great friends, he would have a solid and loyal relationship with his loving parents and he would be happy. 

I'm not him, I'm just a boy who hates his body, a weirdo that wants to be something he will never be, I struggle to do work with depression weighing on my shoulders, I barely have any friends  
except for Mort, especially after tonight, I'm paranoid my parents know and I'll always distance myself from them, they never quite loved me anyway because they know deep down that I'm just not right in the head and I'm definitely not happy, I'm just a shell of somebody I'm not, I don't even feel safe in my own skin, I don't think I even belong in this body that everybody says is supposed to be mine, I sure as hell don't feel that way about it, I know this body isn't mine, I know the name I had been given at birth wasn't mine either. 

When I had enough basking in my insecurities and low self-esteem, I started to try and remove the ruined makeup from my face. I tried to get rid of it first with a normal wipe but that seemed to just make it worse, especially the mascara, it made it just darker under my eyes when I swiped down. I sighed under my breath before trying to think of a plan. I first look for makeup wipes in the bathroom but to no avail. My mother must keep them in her's and my dad's room somewhere, probably in a cupboard or something. I took out my phone from my pocket and checked the time, 6:21, slightly surprising because everything felt way longer than that. If I was careful, I could make it to my parent's room without my father hearing me or even seeing me. 

I knew every second of my parents routine, they did things around the same time so I know that my parents, well are supposed to, come home at around seven so I should be able to get rid of this mess before my mom gets back. I sneak out of the bathroom and to their room, closing the door behind me to lower sound going to my dad. I started to rummage through the drawers and dressers in hope to find some but I have no clue where to even look. I mean, they must be close because my mom wears makeup all the time, to parties, to church, everywhere, even when people can't see her, I could sympathies though, if I could wear makeup, I'd wear it everywhere, especially since we both have our own insecurities. 

I think that's where I got it from since most mental illnesses are spread through DNA, I hear her talk about it when she thinks I'm asleep. I finally found them in her makeup bag, take some before slipping out of their and into my room. My heartbeat was still so fast as it beat against my rib cage painfully, I sigh and try to calm down my nervous tics as I sit on my bed. I didn't have much time though before my mom came back and sees me like this so I got my mirror and started to wipe away the ruined makeup. After I was done with the few wipes I had, I looked at them, they had gotten covered in different colors and such, I threw them away, I felt like crying again because I knew that everything was going to change. I didn't want to go to school tomorrow, I didn't want to be alive tomorrow. 

I flopped onto my bed, I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep forever so I could never get myself in these messes and make stupid mistakes. I then the door close shut, my mom was home. I suddenly felt a bit safer, my mom wasn't as bad as my dad, we had more in common and she didn't yell at me like he did, that didn't make her any less toxic, with every word she puts me down without even knowing, I lost faith in her and distance myself from her too. I hear talking, my dad is mad about something, I'm not sure if it's me or work, maybe it was a bit of both...

I lay with my back to my door but before I knew it, I hear my door open and close, shortly proceeded with a new weight on the bottom of my bed. I looked over slightly from the corner of my eye and see my mom sat with me, I quickly look away. I hear her sigh like she was disappointed and I felt so awful but I tried my best not to show it. I wonder what she's doing, it's very rare that I see her, let along her willing to be in the same room as me. She's looking at me, I know it because I can feel her stare digging into my skull, I want her to leave, the silence that was once peaceful was now tense and unnerving.

"You do know I love you right?" She asks, I silently sighed, she always does this, guilt tripping me into things and making me hate that I don't trust her with one question, but I don't answer this time, it felt good to know that she knows I don't know.

"Your father told me about you leaving the house when we were at work, you know you should ask us before leaving, we have no clue where you could be or what has happened-" she begins, I hate her lectures so I cut her off.

"What has happened to me, I know mom..." I say in a quiet tone but loud enough for her to hear, I wanted her to know that I wanted to be alone but she didn't seem to pick that up.

"... He also told me how you came home with something on your face... Bradley, you know how your father feels about these kinds of things.." she says, I sigh again but louder, I knew I was hurting her but I didn't care right now.

"How about how I feel? I wonder if you guys ever think about that..." I sit up and look at her straight in her eye, she looked hurt, it wasn't her fault, she was just a puppet to my father's actions, I couldn't stop my big mouth though.

"Of course we do... We just think...." she trails off and then she pulls a face like she was thinking deeply and then looked in the eye, she looked serious, all my confidence instead disappeared, "Bradley... Please understand that this is how things are..."

I look down, not wanting to look at her, I felt ashamed of myself, I was a let down of a child, but then I felt her hand on mine. I look up at her, she was smiling softly, it was real, not the one she uses when guests come over as she covers the bruise on her cheek from yesterday's argument with her husband. It was a rare sight as the only times I see her is with a fake smile or even worse, crying. I immediately felt worse but also calm at the same time, I didn't know what it felt to be honest. She gripped my hand and I pause before doing the same, smiling slightly back...


	7. Chapter 7

Bethany's POV

I hated feeling calm when we had this silence of bonding between me and my mom because I knew my mom didn't even know the weirdo she raised as a child, she didn't even know who I was. Her hand was cold, she was still wearing her work clothes, I didn't even know what she did for a living. My mother's eyes leave mine and trail down to the parcel that laid on my floor, unopened and forgotten... She let's go of my hand to pick it up and placed the box in her lap, I stop smiling, fear filling me once again.

"Your father also told me how you got a parcel today, would mind if you tell me what you got?" She asks, trying to spark a different subject, I knew she wanted to just talk to me because we hardly do that anymore.

"It-It's j-just someth-thing for a pr-project," I had a problem where I'd stutter pretty badly when I was scared, I kept my eyes on the parcel, not wanting her to know I was anxious but I feel her face change, she hates my stutter but unlike my dad, she knows I can't help it.

"... We need you to go to somebody or someone for that stutter of yours..." she says quietly, I knew she had been thinking about it before, she wanted to fix me, I frown, my heart was racing but as I tried to reach for the parcel, she slightly gets it out my grasp.

"What sort of project do you need this for?" She asks, trying to keep up a conversation, not knowing that it was giving me anxiety knowing my big secret was in her hands, any second to be revealed. 

"I-I-I..." I stutter before seeing my mother's face change from soft to judgmental, I take a deep breathe and say as slow as I could to refrain from stuttering, "...Science..."

"Oh? What's inside this then?" She asks, get eyes looking down at the box in her hands, my hands were shaking, I didn't answer because I was so scared that I was nonverbal. 

I didn't speak so she thought that it was okay for her to see for herself, she uses her own fake nails to cut open the tape. I looked down, I didn't want to watch this all unravel, I didn't want to see her disgusted face, her judgmental stare, my secret being shared to her against my will. I've already ruined enough today. There was the noise of her opening up the box then there was silence, the only thing I hear was my own heart beating against my rib cage. The silence killed me, I knew she found it, I knew she was grossed out or just maybe confused. Her voice broke the silence as she began to speak.

"Bradley... What is this?" She said in a serious tone, I looked down still but I knew she was holding it, I don't even remember what it looks like, I tried to speech but I couldn't.

"Bradley. Answer me please." Her voice was still stern but the way she said please was oddly calm, I didn't understand, I don't understand what she wants from me.

"I don't know what you want me to say..." I say slowly, facing her, I hope she saw the tear marks on my cheeks or how scared my eyes were when my voice was confident.

"... Why did you really buy this...?" She asks, looking straight through me, my face softens, I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer, I also knew I would homeless in a less than an hour.

"I... M-Mom... There is-is somethin-ing I want to say... I'm not a b-boy..." I was terrified, I was surprised I didn't stutter more, there was silence, it killed me slowly.

"What do mean...?" She asks slowly, her tone of voice unreadable, she was looking away from me, her eyes glued on the wig in her hands.

"I- I'm- I know that you-you don't re-really agree with th-this sort of stuff but... I'm a girl. I'm sorry bu-but this is how things are..." I stutter, my heart was pounding, I couldn't breathe, why did I do this...?

The silence was even longer than the last, I could hear every sound, the sound of the TV playing from outside the closed door, the sound of the rain pitting patting on the window, the rumble of a storm drawing closer. I felt like crying but then I felt something warm wrap around my cold torso, my face being smothered in the smell of home and expensive perfume. My mom hugged me tightly, I couldn't believe this, this was so surreal, this couldn't be actually happening. She lets me go with a single tear running down her face but with a wide, sad smile on her lips. She cups my cheeks, I couldn't bring my self to smile back because I can no idea why she was doing this. My mom looked at me and began to speak.

"I love you... I love you so much, I'm sorry for saying those things I said, I didn't mean them, I didn't know you were... you know..." She says so quickly, she wiped her tear away, I was so confused.

"Mom... What are you talking about...?" I say, I didn't understand, why wasn't she mad? Did I make her so upset? Why is she hugging me? She has never does that in such a long time...

"All those awful things I've said about you, those awful, close-minded comments, I didn't know I was talking about my own child, I only did it to make your father laugh but I never knew that.... I'm so sorry..." She was hugging me again.

That's when it hit me. Those dinner conversations, those homophobic and transphobic things she has said, she didn't even mean them, all of those were just to humor her husband. was she saying that she supports me...? I was so blinded by all the things she has said to even think about that possibilities. I hug her back just as tight, a tear now leaving me my watering eyes as I scrunch them tightly closed, this wasn't real, this couldn't possibly be, I don't even know anymore. She lets go of me and wipes away another tear from her cheek, her face full of makeup slightly ruined but I knew she didn't care. She then cups my cheeks again and uses her thumb to wipe my own tears away, I was smiling, I couldn't believe this.

"I know this is too much to ask but will you please forgive me...?" She asks with guilt in her voice, I quickly nod, smiling wider, she chuckles before hugging me again before laying with me on my bed.

"How long have you known...?" My mom asks, curiously in her voice and a weak smile plastered on her face that I loved to see after all the times I've seen her depressed look.

"I don't know... Maybe a few years now, I was too scared to tell you guys though..." I say, fiddling with my thumbs as I speak quietly, my head on her shoulder as she played with my hair.

"I really don't blame you... I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your father Brad-" She stops halfway through her sentence before adding, "Do you have a name you would like me to call you...?"

"I wasn't sure for a while but I think I kind of like the name Bethany..." I mumble, I feel my mom stop suddenly and I feel bad for some reason, had I said something wrong..?

"Bethany as in my Bethany from work who is also, you know, like you...?" She asks, I nod and I hear her chuckle before she sits up and grabs her phone from her jacket.

"Is she actually real or is that just somebody you made up to just make a joke for my dad...?" I ask as I sit up too, she was strolling through some pictures in her gallery, I was getting curious about what she was doing.

"Yeah, she's real, I should know, she's my best friend, after all, she taught me many things about the..." she then starts snapping her fingers like she was trying to remember something, "The LBGT people...?"

"LGBT." I correct her and she smiles and nods along, before stopping at a picture in her gallery and clicked on it to zoom in on it, it was a picture of my mom and this woman.

"That's Bethany, she helped me become an ally, or at least I think that's it, I keep on forgetting, but I'm going to learn I promise you..." She says as she passes me her phone, I stare at it in my hands.

"I believe in you mom..." I mumbling as I lean on her, she placed a kiss on my forehead and I felt her smile, I chuckle, feeling so happy for the first time in a while.

"You know, I've always wanted a daughter to take shopping with... How about when your dad is on that business trip, we can go get you a secret wardrobe, what you say?" she offers, I feel happiness fill my heart, I was so lucky.

"That sounds great.. I mean, I already have a dress but I definitely wouldn't mind going with you..." I mutter, not able to control my growing smile, my mind still not able to comprehend this at all.

"Oh really? I've never seen this, where is it?" She asks, curious on her face, I stand up from the bed and walk to my wardrobe and pull out the secret panel out the bottom and pulled out the blue, floral dress.

"My friend gave it to me when I came out to them, I haven't really worn it yet but I'm hoping to tomorrow, I'm meeting them at town, that's what the wig was for..." I explain to her, looking down at it as I pressed it to my chest.

"Oh honey, I'm sure you'll look great..." she says and stands up, looking at me with a glint of pride in her eyes, then added, "What about shoes? I don't think you have anything that will match." 

"I... I didn't think about that," I mumble because I honestly didn't, I felt stupid for thinking about every single thing that could go wrong on Friday except from things that could actually happen like, not owning any shoes for the dress.

"I have some flats that are this colour, you can use them, if you want.." she says and I nod at her, smiling, but then I hear my father call for my mom, she froze before turning to me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"I'll go see what he needs, stay in here and if I don't come back then just go to bed please..." she says and I slowly nod before she straightened up and head out of the room, leaving me alone.

I knew she wouldn't be coming back. I sighed but I still felt happy, I had finally got that bond I had with mom that I had so long ago. I look at the dress in my hands and then my eyes focused on the wig on my bed. I put the dress down and decided to try the wig on. I locked my door when I heard shouts coming from the outside, trying to drown it out by playing some music full blast through my headphones. I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at the false set of hair in my hands, it looked nice, there was some bits that stuck up but I could easily fix those. It was a lot lighter then I'd thought it was, it was a hazel brown and was more wavy then straight, like how it was described as when I bought it but I honestly couldn't care less, I was surprised calm. 

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, the person I didn't recognise stood in front me. I placed the wig on and picked up the dress and pressed it to my chest, like I was wearing it. For once in my life, I smiled at my reflection, I was happy, everything was okay, for once. I started to giggle to myself before my insecurities took over and I stopped because I knew my laugh was annoying and weird. I took the wig off and hid it with the dress, making sure it was hidden and nothing showed. So much happened today, it was a rollercoaster ride, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel but I know I'm exhausted from doing thinking so much about everything and caring too much about silly things. I didn't want to think about the future, I wanted everything to just disappear, everything would be easier if I just was gone.

I fell into my bed after getting into a form of sleepwear and buried myself under the covers, I knew I wouldn't sleep but I didn't need to do anything else so I just laid there, staring at the ceiling in the dark. It was kind of depressing that as I close my eyes, I begged for them to not open ever again...


	8. Chapter 8

Bethany's POV

I was in charge of getting myself awake in the morning as my parents didn't wake me up, they got up, too early for me, to go to work and I'm sure they are too busy to worry about me getting up, if I didn't then it would be all my fault if I was late for school. But I really didn't see the point of going to school anymore, I really couldn't bring myself to go as I think of all the things that could go wrong. I feel my eyes flutter open, the sun was seeping Into my room through the open curtains and lit up the room with light. I leaned over to my phone, which was on my nightstand, and opened it up to reveal the time, it was already 10 am. I knew I should have cared because I was just about 2 hours late but I couldn't bring myself to. I only got up when I noticed a sticky note on the door of my wardrobe. 

I got up and walked over to it, the sound of my feet on the creaky floor was the only sound thought out the house. It had some wobbly writing on it and there were mom's flats under it with a pair of black tights on them, meaning she must have snuck into my room when I was asleep, she did come back. I picked it up and read out slightly aloud, 'I'm sorry, you were asleep when I got back but I left the flats for you. I hope you have a lovely evening, Love mom.'. I smiled and folded it up four times before putting it in my pocket, I totally forgot that I still had to go to town with Mort... I picked up my phone from where it has charged on my night table. I had an unread message from Mort. There was one this morning and a few last night, I guess I had my phone on silent...

Unread messages (5)  
Yesterday:  
Mort: Hey beth.. so Milo told me what happened at his house and we were wondering if you were okay?

M: B??

M: Are you there?

M: We're all worried about you...

Today:  
M: Hey, are you coming to school today? You've already missed first lesson and Milo is freaking out, could you at least tell us that you're okay?

I sigh. I was too tired to have this conversation, I couldn't be bothered and if I messaged then he wouldn't even get it until break unless he risks to get in trouble but I know that I'm not worth that, he must already know that. But what stood out was the fact that Milo was worried about me, I didn't understand why until I remembered that this was Milo we are talking about, he cares about anyone regardless of who they are and how bad they are. I wonder how much Milo told Mort, I wonder how he reacted, I hope that Mort didn't tell them anything, It already took me so long to trust him a little bit, I don't want that effort be just a waste of time. I knew I had to message him back though so I took a deep breath and started to type, walking to the kitchen at the same time.

Beth: I'm fine. I don't know what Milo has told you but everything is alright, I had just been a bit stressed at the time.

B: sorry for not responding earlier, I was busy. I don't think I'm going to school today, sorry, but I'll be there in town still, just feeling a bit down.

I stop and push 'send'. That'll be enough, at least I hope it is and he doesn't ask any questions because my mind wasn't really working and I was too exhausted to deal with my own problems. I went to go get some breakfast but then I realized, I couldn't. I mean, my body wouldn't let me, every time I thought about eating or looked at food, I left sick, I had lost my appetite. I'll just get something in town when I'll feel better, I'm sure of it. I decided to get ready now because I knew that if I didn't do it now, I would get distracted and be late and that thought made me anxious. I went back to my room and took out the things I needed. I took another deep breath, deciding to get changed first and then do makeup and then do other things that I need to do. 

I picked up the dress, I was nervous, what if I didn't like my reflection? What if I didn't pass? What if I looked really weird? I tried to calm down as I started to get change. It's not like I could go back now so last minute, I didn't want to be that kind of person, so I just gathered up all the courage I had, which wasn't that much, and turned away from the mirror, deciding to not look until I was completely ready. As I slipped on the dress, I realized a flaw, it was sleeveless and I didn't exactly like my shoulders right now because of a few visible scars that littered my skin when I had hurt myself purposely. I had started hurting myself a while ago but I've been trying to stop after I accidentally showed then to Milo and Zack while getting changed for pe, it also gave me anxiety and made me so paranoid. 

I think that's why the Milo gang has been so quick to hang out with me because they pity me, I don't know though... I guess I didn't think of my scars when it came to the dress, I thought that they wouldn't be so there when I actually got to wear it. Sure, there was a few relapses recently but they were so light that I thought that they would heal by now but I guess not... I stare sadly at them and sigh, I should really try harder to stop but I fall weak when it comes to urges. I wondered what I should do, I couldn't go into town with my scars on show. Maybe if I found a jacket that matched then it wouldn't be a problem. I walked out of my room and went to my parents' room, before starting to browse through my mom's wardrobe. I, however, don't know one bit about fashion, I don't know what matches and what doesn't.

I pick out a black, leather jacket and slipped it on, looking down at myself. I think it looked alright because there were some black parts of the dress I wore. I smiled and headed back to my room, getting out all my makeup stuff ready. I applied makeup on, stealing some more from my mom's dresser. It took a while to get it right because I kept on messing it up but I did get it right at the end, kind of. I looked at my glasses and slipped them on but I didn't like my glasses, they were guy's glasses and it reminds me of the argument I had with my dad about me wanting the girl's one, why do people even gender glasses anyway? I throw the glasses on my bed, I can live without them, I just can't see things from far away. I checked my phone, it was 1:37. 

I didn't have any new messages from Mort but that was to be expected with the strict no phone rule at school. I wondered how I was going to get to town anyway, I would normally get the bus but with me dressed like this, I wasn't sure anymore. I was scared that someone might know and see right through me. I started to think about all the things that could go wrong. My voice might be too deep or I might do something wrong that exposures me, anybody can see me like this. I didn't like that I treated this as like it's a disguise, it wasn't, it was just me trying to be myself for once, but I guess I just wasn't used to having my way for once, I still couldn't believe I was doing this, I didn't know though why I was doing this. 

I'm going through all this effort to be myself for an afternoon just for me to pretend to be someone else all over again, only getting a single taste of what it's like to be seen as me but why must it be such a hassle to try. I sigh and lay down, I didn't want to think anymore, I just had to do, even it meant doing things I knew would be a disaster. I picked up my wig and searched up ways to style it because I had no idea how to make it less frizzy. After I had straightened out my wig, which was very annoying, I put it on and put on the tights and shoes that my mom had left out for me. I felt my heart beating so fast, now I could see myself in the mirror, I was terrified. I take a deep breathe and turn to the mirror. I nearly started to cry, I don't know why, I guess it was just a bit overwhelming. 

I didn't recognize myself anymore, I wasn't myself anymore, but I liked it. I don't know what I was feeling anymore, I was suddenly attacked with so many feelings at once, but I know one thing for certain, I liked what I looked like. Sure, it wasn't what I was expecting, but when has that ever been the case, and there were somethings I didn't like about myself still but for once I didn't ponder on those, I focused on how much I loved the way I looked. I couldn't believe this worked, I couldn't believe that I'm actually my self for once! I started to smile, that smile turned into a giggle and I started to squeal and I couldn't stop smiling, for once I was happy. After I had calmed down, a remaining smile still on my face, I checked my phone, it was 2:12. 

School ended at 3 and I still had no clue what bus I would be getting on to get to town. I checked the website and figured out my route, I had to walk to the bus stop too so I quickly got up and headed to the door, grabbing a small purse with a strap from my mom's room and put my phone and other stuff in it. I saw my mom's purse on the dinner table, I didn't have any money for the bus or anything... I head over to it and dig through it and took her purse, putting it into my bag... Guilt felt like a weight on my chest as I quickly walked out of my house and started to walk up the road to the nearest bus stop, constantly checking my phone to distract myself, especially as I walked passed somebody. I didn't know it would be so scary to go outside like this. 

My head was filled with thoughts like, what if I don't pass? What if they recognize me? What if the way I walk was too masculine? What if people notice my broad shoulders or straight body? It was silly, of course, it was. People try to avoid to look at each other because either they're too busy, don't care or don't want to make eye contact. I guess I was just being paranoid, maybe my flaws showed who really expected a child to have curves? I finally got to the bus stop and started to just look at my phone so people would assume that I was busy as I waited for the bus. There were a few people here, businessmen with coffees in their hands, an old woman with a service dog she didn't seem to need, a father and his son and an obese lady with a lot of bags, non paid any attention to me, which was totally fine by me and my paranoia, the only person that looked at me was the baby in a stroller with a stressed-out mother on the handles but a baby's eyes are always looking everywhere, so I didn't worry. Ping! After a while, I got a notification on my phone.. it was a message from Mort.

Today at 2:31:  
M: Hey. Glad to see you're okay :) I'm going to town still. I'll meet you there.

M: I need to talk to you later.

I gulped and turned my phone off. Why do people say things like that? I need to talk to you later. Why can't it be, there is this thing I need to tell you so I'll say it now so you won't be anxious about me saying something way worse then what I'm actually going to say. The bus appeared and stopped in front of the bus stop and I and the stressed mother and her baby got on. I gave the bus driver money and muttered my words, trying to sound as feminine as I could, I put on a higher voice. I sat down and stared down at my lap, my heart going so fast against my ribcage. I fiddle with the edge of my dress as I tried to distract my anxious thoughts. The bus started with a sound as it started to move, I looked out of the window and watched as the outside view was changed with motion blur.

I sigh quietly, this was so overwhelming, I felt like I was going to cry, I could feel the hotness rise up to my eyes and cheeks, my eyes now close to watering. I didn't want to do this in a public place though so I sucked it up and tried to stop myself. I bit my bottom lip but then I saw the baby from before, which was sitting next to me with the mother talking angrily, and to be honest really obnoxiously, on her phone. He was full on staring at me, I anxiously shuffle in my seat, my eyes dancing from parts to the room back to the baby, like it was a threat to me, despite him being the infant that he was. He dropped the teddy bear he was holding that was half the size of him on to the floor, out of his grasp and his bottom lip started to wobble like he was about to cry and I really didn't want a baby crying the whole ride. 

What was I supposed to do though? I glance back at the mother, she was too busy to pay attention to her own son. I leaned forward to quickly pick up the teddy bear from the floor, which was small compared to me. But as I went to grab it, the baby went to grab my hair as his stroller was between the seat next to me so we were close. I quickly sit up straight and hastily try to get my wig back on straight without something to look into. The teddy bear was in my hands as I had quickly gotten it and the infant started to want to grab for it, leaning in his seat. I gave it back to him and took out my phone to see if everything was still okay by mirror, it was, luckily. I slightly glared at the baby, who was drooling on the poor thing, this is why I hate babies...

I stared back out of the window, my hands clasped together on my lap, there were a few more stops before we even got to town. I looked through my mom's purse, something I probably should have done sooner before just grabbing it, to check nothing important was in there as who knows what could happen it. Luckily there wasn't except her purse that has a lot of money in it. How did she even get this much? Even though my mom has two jobs, meaning she doesn't see me much, we don't have much money as my dad would go to 'work' but I know he got fired around a month ago and he spends most of his time going out and spending all our money on alcohol, I can hear them argue about it some nights. I put the purse back in and made sure the bag was locked tight. 

Butterflies in my stomach and they climbed into my throat and made me struggle to breathe as my heart race, no, not now, not in front of all these people... I tried to not cause a scene as I sit back and tried to relax, taking long deep breathes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer because most of it is filler, sorry, I trust you that the next chapter will be very interesting ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Bethany's POV

I looked out of the window, I just let my mind wander and before I knew it, I was in town and I quickly hopped off, the bag on my shoulder. I took out my phone and looked back, where was the place we agreed to go to? I quickly forget stuff when I'm anxious, I felt like I couldn't breathe in the bustle of the crowds, I couldn't even remember either of my names. I found the place and I started to walk to that location, trying to silently take breathing exercises to calm myself down. We were meeting at a fast food restaurant that I know will be a bit packed as it was popular and with school being let out now, it would be filled with kids and teenagers, some even from my school, it probably wouldn't take long before somebody recognized me... 

I checked the time 3:05, I would think it would take time for Mort to get here but the school isn't that far surprisingly. I got to the fast food place and found it to not be as crowded as I imagined, sure there was quite a bit of a crowd but it wasn't that bad like there were still empty seats. I decided to wait outside by the door and it wasn't long before I saw him, he hadn't saw me yet. I slowly walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder, he turns around and looks at me for a second before smiling and saying.

"Oh Bradl- I mean, Bethany, didn't recognize you for a second, why aren't you wearing your glasses?" He asks as I smile wider, some of my worries washed away now that I was talking.

"Oh um, It-It was... I lost them," I simply say because it won't take too much to try and explain why I hated a pair of glasses just because they reminded me of something upsetting, he just nods and we head inside.

"Do you want something to eat? My treat," he says and I pause, my stomach felt hollow but I know I'd feel more guilty if I didn't eat what he was willing to pay for so I shook my head.

"No it's fine, I don't want to be a burden..." I mutter, a nervous smile on my face, Mort shrugged and went to go order something for himself as I go sit at an empty table, he was used to me talking like this so I wasn't surprised he didn't respond to that.

I tap my finger anxiously on the table as I look around the room. I took out my phone and started to browse when he came back with his food and sat opposite me, I smiled at him to be polite but quickly let my smile fall into a grown as either know I was so happy and adrenaline was going through me so fast, making my heart beat fast but it still hurt to smile and I really don't like my smile, it looks weird. He looks at me and beings to talk with a soft smile.

"I really didn't recognize you earlier, you look completely different, the dress gave you away, nice leather jacket by the way," he says and I smiles lightly as I mutter out thanks but frown again when he wasn't looking.

"So... Do you want to talk about yesterday? Or maybe why you just decided to not go to school today?" He asks and I pause before shaking my head, looking down at the table.

"What did I miss at school today?" I ask to change the subject, I still felt a bit weird like this, I felt like I wasn't even there and I didn't want to ruin this day by talking about my problem.

"Well, not much really, the only thing interesting that happened today was when the tap exploded in Science and then there was a tree that crashed into the classroom in Math," he says as he takes a bite through his food.

"Oh, cool..." I mumble as I fiddle with my hands, I knew he was trying to move the subject to Milo, I didn't want to think about him or his friends despite how weird it sounds, but I didn't let him as I add, "So what do you want to do today?"

"Well I was thinking about just shopping around, I need to get something from that mystical shop downtown," he says and I nod along, not looking at him, I didn't know why I was being so annoying today.

"Are you okay?" He asks after taking another bite of his food, it took me by surprise as I quickly look up at him, my eyes widening slightly, he looked slightly took aback by my sudden movement.

"...Yeah, I'm fine, why would-... I'm-I'm... Ye-Yes, I'm okay Mort..." I say in one big word mess before mumbling the last part, he looked at me confused, I frown, why was I acting so weird?

"Are you sure you're okay...?" He asks more gently, he has a pitying look on his face, I hated seeing that look, I didn't need them thinking they have to care about me, so I just nodded and tried to spark a new topic.

"Anyway, what do you even need to get at this mystical shop? More rocks?" I try to put on a confident persona and even when he was started to talk about it, I couldn't seem to pay attention, god I'm a jerk, everything in my body felt tingly.

"Hehe no. I need an amulet that gives you luck as I heard Milo's in town today and I can't get any more broken bones as hospital trips are expensive." He says after taken a bite again, I felt a knot in my stomach tighten.

"What?!" I yell a bit too loud, causing a bit of a scene as I suddenly sat up and crashed my hands down on the table, Mort looked so surprised by the loud sound and now I regret my decision to do that because I hated the eyes on me.

"Dude, calm down, I thought you were fine with Milo now," he says, almost a bit annoyed with me, my heart was racing and I was still a bit weird from the sudden adrenaline rushing through my body.

"I am! It's just... They can't see me like this." I mumble, gesturing to myself before continuing when he looked confused, "What if they recognize me and tell some kids then they tell the whole school? Everything will change and not for the better,"

"Well... Yeah, I can't say that might not happen but if you just talk to them and explain the situation, I'm sure they'll understand," he says and I nod along, keeping my head down to the table.

"I know, I know... it's just hard, I've only came out to somebody twice and you wouldn't have known if you hadn't found out by accident," I say, tilting my head slightly to the side, a frown on my lips.

"Yeah... Wait, who's the second person?" He asks and I look up and stare at him, looking a bit confused and he then repeats when he said but with more detail, "Who's the second person you came out to?"

"Oh yeah, um, well, yesterday, I may have had a moment with my mom and I came out to her, so yeah..." I mumble, scratching the back of my neck, realizing that some of my other hair was poking out of the thing that kept my hair from showing from the wig.

"That's so cool! I'm so proud of you, that must of taken a lot of courage," he says as he takes another bite, his meal getting near to the end and I went to bite my lip before realizing that I was wearing lipstick so I couldn't.

"Well, it only happened because she found my wig but instead of making an excuse, I came out to her but fortunately she was very accepting but I know my father would never be as accepting at all," I say, accidentally saying so much personal stuff then I should of.

"Oh... Well, just look on the bright side, you came out to somebody else and they accept you, who cares about people who are going to treat you bad, just focus on the people who actually deserve your time," he says as he finished his meal.

"Yeah... So.. What did you want to talk about? You texted me saying that you want to talk.." I ask, the curiosity and fear had been eating away at me for a while now, like waiting for a shark to bite.

"Yeah... So.. What did you want to talk about? You texted me saying that you want to talk.." I ask, the curiosity and fear had been eating away at me for a while now, like waiting for a shark to bite.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot, Milo, Melissa and Zack said today that they really wanted to talk to you, to say that they were sorry," Mort said and I pause, thinking of what I should do, I couldn't just ignore them after yesterday...

"Tell them that I don't want to talk to them but they have no need to apologise, they didn't do anything wrong," I mumble, I look down at the table, fiddle with the lock of the purse I was still carrying.

"This is for you tell them, you have to go to talk to them someday, they're really worried," Mort says and I roll my eyes at him so he adds, "Look, they're really concerned that they had upset you, they just want to make sure that you're okay,"

"Why? It's not of their business. Why should they care how I feel? It's not like they actually know me, you shouldn't even care, I'm nothing anyway," I grumble, stating the obvious but Mort looks shocked by my facts.

"That's not true, you're everything to somebody. They want to know because they care about you and they would feel better knowing that you're okay, they're your friends and they care enough to want to know that you're okay then you bet I care about you," Mort says.

I pause before smiling slightly and nod slightly, he always has something to say to cheer me up in some way. Mort stood up and put his rubbish in the bin and his tray on the top of the bin with the rest of the trays. We head out and I tried to walk a lot more feminine by putting my foot directly in front of each other and have a more confident posture. I felt giggly and yet so nervous at the same time, I had no idea how I was meant to feel right then. I was worried for sure about being recognized by somebody but when Mort said that he couldn't even recognize me because of how thickly my makeup was put on, I think I'll be fine. Maybe. We walk to the store and I could already see some witchcraft stuff in the windows, it looked pretty weird, but I try not to upset him and voice my bad opinion so I just keep quiet. 

We walk into the building and Mort starts to look around, this place was really odd, there was charms, crystals, some fantasy garage, weird voodoo stuff and other things that were just so awful to me, why does Mort like this trash anyway? Suddenly, there was a large crash outside of the store and a scared cat ran into shop, running on a counter and knocking over some of the more expensive stuff on but I manage to grab them before they hit the ground as Mort tried to grab hold of the cat and when it did, it clawed at him and. The store clerk threw the cat out as it made a hissing sound and grabbed the stuff from my hands back onto the counter before turning to me and saying.

"Thanks for saving these, miss," he smiles at me and I freeze for a second as it takes me a minute to progress what he said, miss, I smile wide and just nod as I wasn't sure what I was meant to say to that, it made me happy though.

Mort finished paying for a necklace with a charm on the end of it and we head out. Miss. The word still circled in my head. He was a complete stranger, he had no idea who I was and yet called me that. Every time I think about it, I start to giggle to myself like a child, I don't know why it made me so happy. Mort smiled at me to see I was happy for once as he put his necklace on. Then we came across what caused the crash and the cat to get frighten, a lamppost had fallen down and the glass in it had smashed all over the road and the area was now closed around it. But when I looked around, I couldn't anything that would of caused the lamppost to fall over in the first place. Until I saw him.

"Well that explains it..." I mutter and Mort looks in the same direction I was, Milo and his friends were walking away from the crime scene, their backs to us as they laughed and joked with each other.

"Oh cool, we should go talk to them," Mort says and begins to walk over to them, my eyes widened and I quickly try to stop him, standing in front of him.

"Mort! You know I can't go over there!" I half scream half-whisper in case they heard me, Mort rolled his eyes at me and began to say.

"Oh come on, what's the worse that could happen?" He shrugs before pausing as I looked at him, his facial expression changes and he goes, "Wait.."

"I'm not going over there!" I exclaimed, raising my hands in the air, Mort looked a bit annoyed at me, which made me a bit scared so I lowered my hands as my face softened.

"Fine then. You won't have to but I'm going over there," he says as the final word as he moved past me and went towards Milo and his friends, I watched him a for a second before running up beside him.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want to be alone in the middle of town..." I mumble as he smiles down at me before turning to the group and yelling.

"Hey!" They turn around and smile wider, walking back to us and they all greet each other happily, I stay silent, feeling really insecure about my voice and in case they notice and recognize me.

"Hey, Mort and... Who are you?"

Uh oh.


	10. Chapter 10

Bethany's POV

"Who are you?"

Milo, Zack, and Melissa all look at me with curious but friendly eyes and smiles on their faces as they waited for a response. I felt my face heat up, I was getting so nervous, anxious, paranoid. I went to bite my lip out of habit but remembered the lipstick again and bit the side of my gum instead, causing pain. I couldn't speak, I wouldn't, I can't, if they heard me, would they recognize my voice? What would I even say? I didn't respond and they all looked at me, confused and a bit concerned for some reason. 

You're lying to them. 

How would react when they find out who you really are? 

I grab my wrist in a death grip, trying to cause pain as my nails dug into my skin, faking a nervous smile. Mort side glanced at me and could see I had frozen and was unable to talk. He quickly pulled my hand away from my wrist, knowing full well how I'm feeling when I do that and decided to talk to me.

"This is Bethany, a friend of mine, she's a bit shy," he introduces me to them, explains my quietness and nervous actions, they all wave and greet me, not questioning my anxious waves and panicked eyes, they were being so friendly to me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bethany! I don't think I've seen you in our school before, do you go to a different school?" Milo asks, taking a step forward me, he was especially friendly, I pause and think of a response but Mort talks first.

"Oh, Beth gets homeschooled, that's why you've never seen them before," He explains, he just was quick to throw excuses and lies that actually made sense, I would have never thought of that, I wondered how many times he's lied to me and I've never known.

"Oh, that's really cool! What's it like?" Melissa asks and I don't respond, Mort doesn't respond either so I move my eyes to the ground, she notices and adds, "You don't talk much, do you? How about we just stick with yes and no questions?"

I nod and Zack responds this time, "Well, we've got to get going, can't keep staying in the same spot, you know. Do you want to join us? As long as you're all geared up that is,"

"Hmm... I don't see why not, sure! I just got a lucky charm down there, we heard the lamppost fall and that's how we spotted you. So I think I'll be fine," Mort says and I was quickly but subtly shaking my head at him, frantically. 

"Oh yeah, I'm not sure if you can come, seeing as this will be Bethany's first time being around Murphy's Law," Melissa comments and I nod at Mort, a bit scared as this wasn't a plan, what if something went wrong?

"I'm sure she'll be fine, she knows what Murphy's Law is, they've been around a Murphy before," Mort says and I guess he wasn't wrong as I've been Milo's classmate for years now, I might be a bit more prepared but I was out of no comfort zone right now.

"Really? You've met one of my family members! That's awesome, you can come along then, if you want to that is," Milo says, getting a bit embarrassed at the end sentence but I didn't pay attention to it as I slowly start to nod and they all smile.

"Come on then! We've got a checklist of things to do today and we've still got a bit to do," Melissa informs us and we start to walk, I still very anxious and scared but I just had to toughen up, stop being such a jerk to them, they're not even doing anything bad.

Zack showed me the list but unfortunately, a bird swooped down and took it, which was weird as there was nothing but pigeons here but this was a rare species of bird, so it was unfortunate and also fascinating. Luckily, Milo had tons of copies, a few laminated, as apparently that has already happened, a few caught on fire and one got crushed by a pistachio store sign that came from the sky. We read it as quickly as we could before it got destroyed, this is what it read.

Stores and stuff to get:  
.Grocery store: milk, dog food, roll of duct tape, package popcorn for movie night,

.Tool shop: New wrench, hammer, and screwdriver (plus spares)

.Something for him

.New book for Geography, Science, and Maths

"We've already got the books and they're home safe, it's easier to give the items to somebody so they don't get destroyed while we're getting the other stuff," Zack explains, pointing to the last thing on the list.

"Who's him?" I suddenly ask, forgetting the situation I was in, pointing at the third thing on the list before my eyes widen and I cover my mouth quickly, my own voice scared me, they looked a bit shocked by my voice.

"Oh! Your voice is... Never mind, good to know that you can talk! Anyway, um, that's just for a friend of ours, he's upset and we wanted to help him, by the way, Mort, can we talk as soon as possible about the... you know," Milo says to Mort, anxiously looking over at me.

"Yeah, sure but I still don't know, they don't want to talk about it," Mort says back, he always glances at me, then I realized, they were talking about me, right to my face and Milo didn't even know, I was him.

I frown, suddenly feeling really bad, guilty, they were getting me a gift because they felt like they made me upset after yesterday. I just wanted to leave, I already felt drained and heavy, this was a terrible idea, I should have never done this. I just stand there, looking at the ground as I feel my face get warm and tingly like I was going to cry but I was in public, I can't do this here, I can't break down again. I blink away at my watering eyes and grip again onto my wrist, scratching at it furiously but subtly. I needed to stop being such a crybaby and toughen up for once. I stare blankly forward as everyone started to walk again, talking with happy tones but all I could see was their mouths moving, I couldn't hear them, I felt like I wasn't even there, I scratch harder on my wrist.

We got to the tool shop with the slight delay of a wild dog chasing us and two bikes crashing into us at the same time causing for some other things to be destroyed or damaged or set on fire somehow, the wonders of Murphy's Law are still a mystery to me. The cashier inside the store greeted Milo like he was an old friend but that didn't surprise me, Milo must come here often with all the tools in his backpack. Milo started to talk to him, addressing the items he is a need of, Melissa and Zack took this as a chance to ask me more questions.

"So, Bethany, lived here long?" Zack asks, trying to spark a conversation but I guess it must be hard when the other person was responding with anything except nods and shakes of heads, speaking of which, I nod along as a response.

"You can talk, so why don't you?" Melissa asks suddenly, like the questions has been bubbling in her mind for a while now, I freeze, Mort wasn't here, he was looking at something on one of the shelves, I don't know how to respond.

"Melissa! You already know she's shy!" Zack says, annoyed at her for some reason, Melissa jokingly rolls her eyes with a slight smile on her lips, I still don't respond, the reason why because I didn't want them to recognize me but how do I explain that to them?

"I know that but I was just curious as even most shy people speak a little bit, she has only said like two words this whole time and she didn't even mean to," Melissa argues with him, I step a bit away, I couldn't believe how much trouble I was causing...

"Can you just stop? I mean, come on, she looks terrified," Zack pleads, gesturing over at me, I didn't know that was how my expression was being read as, Melissa looks at me and frowns sadly, like she was finally realising what she was saying.

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- you know, make you feel that way, god, now I feel like a jerk," Melissa says, putting her hand over her face like she was facepalming before smiling sadly at me, I muster up a small smile back and shrug, showing that it was a big deal.

"Anyway, I think Milo is about done, would you mind we asked you more questions? And we get a bit too personal you don't have to respond," Melissa suggests and I just nod my head, saying that I didn't mind, they smile at me and Milo heads over to us.

"Alright, I've got the stuff, let's get this over to Sara," Milo says as we exit the store, he had bags in hand and was grabbing his smashed phone from his pocket and started to text her to figure out where they had to go.

We started to walk to a location and they started to ask me questions again, Zack was the first to ask as Melissa was still hesitant to as she didn't want to upset me again, "So, you were friends with a Murphy before?"

I nod, playing along with the story that Mort had put on for me, Melissa was apparently intrigued about this person, "That's really cool, are you still friends with them?"

I frown, not sure how to answer to that so I just shook my head and looked to the ground, they suddenly frowned too and stopped asking questions for a while, thinking that they had touched a touchy topic for me and didn't want to upset me again. Milo then started to walk side by side with me, seeming to be really happy to be making a new friend and be meeting someone new that wasn't scared of him, that's actually really sad...

"Hey um, how are you going?" Milo nervously asks me, scratching the back of his neck, I didn't know why he was so nervous around me, he isn't like this with anybody else, new or old friend, I give a thumbs up and a shy smile to him anyway.

"That's good... So um, sorry, I thought I'd just ask that as I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable with us, you seem really cool!" Milo says, grinning, I wasn't expecting a compliment so it surprised me a bit, I let a small laugh accidentally.

Milo blushed a bit when he hears it but I don't know why, "Huh, anyway, Sara, my sister, is just this ways then I think we will get the groceries next, do you need anything from anywhere while you're in town?"

I shake my head, I didn't have any plans to get anything really, Milo pauses for a second before clearing his throat and saying, "So, how long have you know Mort? You two seem like good friends,"

I think for a second before holding up 1 fingers, I've only been Mort's close friend for like 1 month now, Milo started to guess measurements and I nodded or shook my head to his guesses, "1 year? 1 month? Oh, 1 month, that's cool, how you'd meet?"

I didn't know how to answer that so I just shrugged, Milo took the hint, "Oh yeah, you can't really answer that.. Anyway, my sister is right over there, I better get these things to her fast before the bag breaks and the stuff goes down into that sewer or gets swooped up by an eagle."

Milo runs up to a teenage girl with bright blonde hair that I assumed was his sister and they started to talk before Milo quickly put the plastic bag into her hands so it would be safer. Everybody else but me goes up to Sara and they have started having a conversation, I wouldn't dare join in, scared of ruining something. Milo sees me and drags me into the circle of friends, bringing me into the group. I could feel myself getting more nervous but I tried to calm myself down. Milo's sister sees me and waves.

"Hey, you must be Bethany, Milo's new friend, I'm Sara, glad you meet you!" Sara says, I just wave back, feeling my heart rise with nerves, Sara gave me a look of confusion, that made me freeze more before Milo snapped me out of my daze.

"Anyway, we better get going, I believe it's the groceries next, see you later!" Milo says as we wave goodbye and start to walk again, I didn't start walking like the others until Mort nudged me forward and my legs went into auto pilot.

We walked in a group and I knew I should be happy that I'm living my dreams of being who I am with friends but for some reason, I wasn't. The adrenaline was the only thing keeping me up, I was so nervous and full of anxiety as I was lying to them, they don't deserve this. What will happen if they found out? I've already ruined enough today..


	11. Chapter 11

Bethany's POV

We headed to the groceries store as Milo stuck close to me, he seems to really like me and was really interested in what I said, or well, signaled. His face was constantly flushed for some reason but I guess it was kind of hot. I felt like I was running a double life so I would make things up sometimes to make myself sound a lot better then I am actually. We got to the grocery store and as soon as we stepped in, the melons in the display area exploded into pieces, the cans in a towers burst and people got drenched in soda, food toppled off shelves and glass shattered on the refrigerators. Milo just continued to smile as he went over to help, his backpack already open to pull out some miracle item that helps everything. He called over this shoulder to us.

"You guys go on ahead, you know what to get, I'll stay here and help!" Milo says even though everyone except me had gone after the first sentence, I decided to just follow them.

Melissa had gotten a basket when I wasn't looking and was looking at the shelves, Zack and Mort were somewhere else getting the other items, they wanted to make this trip as fast as possible I assumed. I stand next to Melissa, she was getting the milk and the popcorn for movie night, the guys must be getting the other things but she was still scanning the shelves for something and I couldn't speak up to ask, luckily she spotted me and my confusion as she started to talk.

"I was just looking for something my friend would like, getting two birds with one stone, right? But I really don't know what to get him..." she trails off as she looks back to the shelves, she was talking about me, I feel something in my stomach like a knot.

"I feel bad for not knowing what he likes, sure, we're not that close, I guess, and he doesn't really talk much but I should at least know what his interests are..." she admits, frowning, I frown too because I don't really want her to feel that way   
.  
"I-" I begin but stop myself, feeling my cheeks get hot and red as I hear myself, my voice is awful, I hate it, Melissa looks at me and probably saw how embarrassed I was and put a hand on my shoulder, which only made me blush more.

"Hey, it's okay, don't feel like you have to comfort me, it's not your fault," she says even though it is my fault, I'm the person who was making her feel that way because I'm so quiet with my interests.

She looks away from me and she also takes her hand off my shoulder and I already miss it, god I was pathetic. She still couldn't find something, even I couldn't as I couldn't find anything that was cheap enough for somebody like me, I felt too guilty whenever I look at Melissa because I didn't deserve a gift after what I've done to them. After a while, Melissa gave up with defeat and everybody found each other in the middle of the store, Milo had fixed the damage he had caused, and we paid for the things we had got, and we were off again. We got the groceries to Milo's sister again and dropped off the things before Milo looked at the list and smiled, then said.

"Looks like the only thing we need to get is a gift for Bradley," I frowned while everyone nodded but we didn't start walking yet as they didn't know where to go, so Milo added, "Any ideas what to get him?"

"Um... I'm not sure..? What does he like anyway?" Zack asks and Milo and Melissa shrug, my frown deepens, then everybody looked at Mort, "Mort, you're friends with Bradley, what should we get him?"

"Oh um..." Mort started and I panicked and tapped him on the shoulder, he stopped and looked down at me, I leaned up and whispered so nobody else would hear me.

"I told you that I don't want them to get me anything, just say you texted me or something," After I was done talking, I got off my tiptoes and looked away from them all as Mort started to talk to them again.

"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me," he said so bitterly at me as he glanced in my direction before saying, "Bradley texted me today, he heard about the whole gift thing, he said that he really didn't want you to get him anything,"

"Hmm... I still want to get him something though, even if it's just something small, I don't know..." Milo said and I furrow my eyebrows together as I look at him, he catches my glance and frowns and adds, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Ah, um- Wait-" I begin, luckily, my voice was high pitched because I was surprised, I had realized that I was doing that, I covered my mouth quickly, getting lipstick on my hand but I didn't care, Milo looked a bit shocked.

"It's okay, you can talk to us, if you want to that is, I'm not really sure why you don't like to talk but I assure you that if you want to say something you can," Milo said and Melissa and Zack agreed so I take a deep breath and finally say something very carefully.

"I um... I hate my voice, that's um, why..." I tried to put on a voice because my paranoia was getting the worse of me and I was scared that they would recognize my voice but who really recognized an acquaintance's voice?

"Oh! Well that's um okay, don't feel forced to have to talk, thank you for telling us that and if it makes you feel better, I don't think your voice is bad," Zack said as he smiled at me, I knew he was trying to help but he didn't understand that it was more than that.

"Yeah... Anyway, I bet you don't want us to dwell on this, do you guys want to start going?" Melissa said and I quickly nod so everyone else did too but Mort was looking at me, I never told him about my insecurities before so it was a surprise to him.

"Where to?" Milo asked and Melissa just shrugged and so we just started to walk through town and Milo started to talk to me about me, or at least Bradley, it was so weird hearing somebody talk about you right to you and not know it, it made me feel so nervous.

"We need to get this gift for one of our new friends Bradley, he's really cool but I think we might have upset him so I thought of an idea to make him feel better!" Milo explained even though Mort already talked about this.

"Why? What has he done for you?" I ask, very quietly though as I was still a bit paranoid about my voice but Milo didn't mind, I still don't understand why he liked to talk to me the most, I guess it was just a Milo thing.

"Huh? Well, he doesn't have to do anything for us to want to give him anything, anyway, he did do something, he put aside his dislike for me and has been trying to be to us, and that's good!" Milo said and I just looked down at the ground.

"Oh..." I mutter and trail off as I find myself smiling to what he said, I don't know why it made me so happy but it did, Milo saw me smiling and started to grin, I just chuckle at him but then I hear Melissa say, who was in front of us.

"How about we get something to eat? There is a little cafe up ahead that isn't very busy," Melissa suggested and everybody nodded and my stomach rumbled at the thought but I wasn't so sure, I couldn't start eating now.

"Yeah! I am dying for something to eat, my breakfast got destroyed in a fire," Milo laughed out and we changed direction, I stayed behind, I really couldn't eat if I ever want to be seen as a girl.

"I've already eaten but I know Bethany hasn't so I'll go too," Mort said, pointing at me and ignored my gestures for him to shut up, Melissa looks at me with confusion before shrugging it off.

"Cool! What's the worst that could happen!" Milo said with oblivious, making me aware of everything that could happen, the worst thing was that Milo was right next to me.

"Why do you keep on saying that? When has that phrase ever come to good?" Melissa joked, her bubbly laugh filling the air but I couldn't even find myself to look up at her.

They continued to joke around but it didn't take long for something to go wrong. We were walking around the edge of town, which was smaller than the main town, fewer people to get hurt then, and had a forest around the area. We heard a weird sound getting louder as it got closer to us, we looked to our side and saw a herd of rampaging wolves coming right towards us, at least, directly at me and Milo. I screamed when I first saw them but Milo didn't have time for screaming, he had already grabbed my wrist and was running off into the forest to get away from the wolves, which were only interested in us, unsurprisingly. As we ran, Milo yelled behind us to the other guys, not scared at all.

"We'll meet you guys at the cafe!" Milo was smiling calmly while I was pretty freaked out but I just kept on running as I heard the wolves snapped their jaws at us, I looked over at Milo, who was rummaging through his backpack.

"What are we going to do?!" I scream at him, my voice accidentally cracking midway through my sentence that I really hope he didn't notice, he didn't respond, he was too busy.

But then we came to a cliff, the bottom of it was really far away with no way to get down. I started to panic more as the wolves stopped and started to draw in closer, growling, we were cornered. Milo tried throwing things at the big dogs but that just angered them more. He looked over the ledge, he smiled like he had an idea. He rummaged in his bag and pulled out a long piece of sturdy looking role with a hook attached to the end of it. He attached the hook on a rock until it was sturdy enough, while the wolves continuously getting closer. Then he looked something to me that I couldn't believe.

"Bethany, we're going to have to go down!" Milo told me and my eyes widened, out of all of his ideas that he could have had, that was the most dangerous and ridiculous, I want to resist but he was around wrapping the other end of the rope tightly around me and him, around our torsos in a tight knot.

"Hold on tight!" He exclaimed and I did what I was told, then we ran to the edge of the cliff and jumped off just as the wolves snapped their jaws, trying to pounce and bite us but just miss us.

I scream the entire time as we flew in the sky, I had to hold onto my hair so I didn't fly off. Milo pulled out a grappling hook from his backpack and aimed it at the drawing closer trees. The hook caught us and it stopped us from bashing against the cliff when the rope swings back. Milo got us to the ground somehow and I was pretty traumatized by that experience, I sat on the ground, trying to sort out my hair with the camera on my phone as it was still crazy and frizzy, wigs do not go well with wind, as Milo was gathering the rope. After making my hair look semi-normal and Milo had gotten the rope and hook from the tree, causing a woodpecker to attack him and Milo also nearly set the tree on fire, we were off, trying to find the town again. Unfortunately (of course), we were way off course so it was going to take us ages to get back.

I sigh as I and Milo walk side by side, of course something like this would happen, this is Murphy's Law we're talking about! God, I've never been so scared in my life, how does Milo go through his every day? Milo was currently humming a little tune like nothing had even happened, this guy... I mutter under my breath and Milo notices and looks over at me as we walked through this forest.

"Oh sorry, I forgot to ask if you were okay! How rude of me, apologies, how are you after all that...?" Milo looks actually sorry about not asking if I was okay, which made me quite surprised before I actually responded.

"Well aside from my throat sore from screaming and my hair looking like I was just in a tornado, I'm doing just fine," I laugh out, trying on a really high pitched voice but it was still too deep, but Milo just laughed along.

"Hey! You're talking more to me!" He says and I frown and cringe, I was talking to him, god, he could recognize me sooner, Milo saw my face and flinched, "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to upset you... You know, you remind me a lot of my friend, he talks a lot like you,"

"Bradley?" I ask, grimace at saying my own name, or old name? I don't know but I didn't like to say it, Milo stopped and looked at me with a confused expression, I was terrified that he had figured out who I really was.

"Wait... how do you know his name? I was trying really hard to keep that a secret," he says and I start to sweat nervously, quick, think of a believable lie, quick!

"Um... M-M-Mort! He-He god..." I stutter out crazily before looking at Milo and seeing his concerned face and I took a deep breath before continuing, "M-Mort t-told me...?"

"Oh... Damn, okay, yeah, that makes sense, I don't know what I was worried about, why would it matter if you knew his name? It's not like you'll know him," he laughs out and I think of the irony of that last line, did I even know him? I mean me.

"Heh... Yeah... I guess so..."


	12. Chapter 12

Bethany's POV

When we got back to town, we were a mess, Murphy's Law was really exhausting and dirty. My tights were ripped, my dress was covered in dirt, my hair was fizzy as hell and my makeup was probably smudged, not to mention I nearly lost my mom's purse as well, it made me really freak out but I tried to keep my cool as we walked into the café. We spotted our friends in one of the booths and walked towards them. As soon as Mort saw me, he started to snicker, making me scowl at him as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Oh my god, what happened to you two?" He asked as Milo sat down, I decided to stand, Milo was also quite scruffy as he was one attaching all of this to him.

"Murphy's Law," Milo explained as I sigh, feeling really insecure about everything about me, people are probably looking at me, they think I'm a mess, they think I look ugly...

"Oh Bethany, you've seen better days, one-second guys, let's get you cleaned up," Melissa says, clearly seeing my discomfort as she stood and grabbed my hand, making me blush, before dragging me to the bathrooms.

I stopped her when she opened the door to the ladies' bathroom, I couldn't go in there, I don't belong in there, not to mention somebody might tell I'm a boy and attack me, it was too much of a risk. Melissa turned and looked at me, confusion in her eyes. I gulped as I looked at the door, I felt like I was underwater as I tried not to out myself to Melissa and took a step inside the place I've never been in before. Melissa brings me to the sinks with a big mirror on the wall behind them. I looked at myself in the mirror and wow did I look like I had just been run over. Melissa went to go get some toilet paper to dampen and wipe away the dirt, we were luckily alone as the café was pretty empty anyway. I looked through my purse, in which I had put my makeup in, in case something like this would happen. 

"Sorry about Murphy's Law, it can get a bit messy sometimes, that why you never dress up while with Milo," Melissa says as she gave me some toilet paper to try and get the dirt off my dress.

"Heh, yeah, guess so, I might need to not wearing my mom's tights then, seeing as these are ripped, god, she going to kill me..." I note as I stop and realize, she's going to yell at me, she wouldn't understand what happened.

"I bet she'll be fine with it, mom's are normally understanding like that," The ginger girl talks but I knew better, my mom is better than my dad but you can't break parent property, it definitely deserved a punishment.

"You don't know my mom though, I'm probably going to get a slap when I show her," I accidentally say as I finish wiping most of the dirt off, though it was still noticeable and still quite there but just not as much as.

"What?" Melissa says suddenly, her eyes wide with concern and surprise at my remark, she was looking me like I was an alien, I really didn't like it.

"What?" I ask slowly, only glancing at her sideways as I played with my hair gently, trying to get the wig to behave.

"Your parents slap you?" Melissa asks, she was making this a bigger deal than it was, it wasn't like that, at least not anymore.

"Not like that, it's like when parents spank their little kids, that's normalized, right? It's like that except to the face or on the back of the head, they don't even do it that hard, I deserve it anyway," I explain.

"Oh... Alright then but if you're lying to me then I will find out," Melissa warns and I just get a makeup wipe from my purse and started to remove the smudged parts of my makeup off, concentrating on my appearance.

"Okay, okay," I chuckle out, my heart still racing and hands still shaking, I shouldn't be in here, that thought went round and round around my head.

"Oh hey, I've got a brush in my bag, damn, I left my bag in the booth, wait a second, let me go get it," Melissa says, I tried to stop her but I was too late and she was gone, I was alone in a women's bathroom.

My heart started to go crazy as the silence overtook me, I couldn't stand it. I grabbed hard on the counter where the sinks were, my knuckles going white, I couldn't breath and I needed something to grab me back to reality. I can't have a panic attack, not now, not here! I heard the bathroom door open but I was still felt trapped, suffocated. I only came back to earth when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to a concerned Melissa, I must have made my panic go onto the outside as well.

"Hey, are you okay?" Melissa asked and I nod, looking forward but I could feel her staring at me before she added, "You know, you look a lot like my friend,"

"That is really not helping," I quickly say, snapping slightly but Melissa luckily didn't get mad and just placed her head on my shoulder, though I had no clue why as she passed me her brush.

"Heh, sorry, here, my brush, it'll help with the fizz," Melissa notes, you can't really brush a wig though without taking it off so I just place it to the side.

"Heh, thanks, I'm fine really, just been a lot today, you know," I say and Melissa made a sound of agreement like a hum, my cheeks already red, she was my crush, so of course my body would react like this.

"Yeah, I understand, do you want to talk about it?" She asks but I quickly shake my head, she can't know who I really am, she'd hate me no matter how much she likes me now.

"You can always talk to me when you're ready, I really like having another girl in the group," Melissa says and I smile, being called a girl warmed my heart, I couldn't stop smiling as I went to get my foundation, Melissa raising her head off my shoulder.

"Aw thanks... that really means a lot to me, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that..." I admit, my face hurt from smiling, Melissa chuckles and smiles back at me.

"Well, I'm glad I could help, your smile is so cute..." she says and I blush even brighter, she giggles and grabs my arm, god I was probably so red right now, why does she have to touch me so much?

"Heh, thank you?" I mutter, butterflies were fluttering in my stomach, I was getting so nervous, but I realized that the guys were probably waiting for us, "Anyways, I better get my makeup cleaned up,"

"Right, you know, you can tell you wear your makeup so thick, I wonder what you look like without it," Melissa rambles as I get a brush and start to put foundation in the places some had come off.

"Oh no, you don't want to see that, I look like a dude, an ugly dude," I say and I wasn't even lying, I would always look like a guy no matter what I did because that's all I ever be.

"Don't be silly, if you're a girl in here," Melissa says as she points to my forehead, clearly trying to point to my brain as she adds, "Then you could never look like a guy,"

I wanted to argue but I knew that I would totally out myself to her so I just smile as I take out my lipstick and start to apply it, my eyes starting focused on the mirror. I do a few mouth pops before deciding that my makeup would do and start to put it all in my purse. We soon exited the bathroom and got back to the booth where the guys were chatting among themselves. Though the booth only really had room for 4 people and there was 5 of us so I was cramped on the edge, sat next to Milo. The subject going around was school so I dazed out as I looked down at the table. 

I then felt something on my hand. I snapped back into reality and looked down to see that Milo had placed his hand over mine. What the hell is he doing? It must have been an accident so I quickly swiped my hand away and held them together in my lap. I sigh quietly, enough has happened today, this was getting really overwhelming and quick, I just wanted to go home, one wrong move now and it's all over. I was getting more and more anxious and flustered the more I stayed in my head, I was already close to having a panic attack before and I was still on edge. I need to distract myself and quick or else I'll make a freak of myself.

"Bethany? Are you okay?" Mort asked and I look up from the table and saw that everyone was looking at me, I quickly nod, faking a smile for them.

"Y-Yeah, just a bit drained," I explain and they smile at me with pity looks, which really wasn't helping at all but I tried to not let it get to me.

"Oh, well, you two can leave whenever you want, I don't want to hold you hostage or something," Milo says and I quickly answer.

"No, It-It's fine, I'd rather stay with you guys," I say, it was true, I'd rather be anywhere than home, if I really thought about it.

"I'm glad, I really enjoy hanging out with you, even if you don't say much," Melissa says, making me smile and blush from the embarrassment of being complimented.

"Well, I mean, you talk about a lot when it's just one person with you," Melissa adds, which I guess was true with both Milo and Melissa.

"Yeah, I mean, when it was just me and you, we talked a lot about stuff like Bradley and it's no point to hiding his name as you don't know a Bradley," Milo says and I just try to not cringe as I listen to my old name.

"Well, you don't know one Bradley," Mort says before chuckling but as he was in front of me, I was able to kick him, which I did, "Ow!"

"Hm? What do you mean?" Milo asked him and I start to sweat nervously, god, this was going to be the thing that outs me to them, and it was all going to be Mort's fault.

"Oh um... Heh, well, didn't she tell you? She's got a cousin called Bradley," Mort says, wow, he sure is fast to make a lie up, a pretty believable lie as well.

"Oh really? What's his um, last name?" Melissa asked, clearly trying to find out if it was me, or Bradley, or something.

"Nicholson..." I mutter, it would better if just gave them the answer they wanted, it would also be better if they thought I was related to him (myself?) as they know I look like him anyway.

"Oh my god, really?!" Milo jumps from his seat, making silverware fly in the air and attack us, Milo sat back down again and muttered, "Sorry..."

"Wait, so, you're telling us that Bradley, the one that we've been talking about all this time, is your cousin?" Zack asked and I just nodded, then he added, "Why did you tell us?"

"Well, I just um didn't know that my Bradley was your Bradley, it could be a common name," I stumble on my words, I wasn't that good at lying as Mort was.

"Huh, I guess so, anyway, that's pretty cool, do you talk to each other much?" Melissa says, smiling sweetly at me, making me flustered.

"K-Kind of? I-I-I d-don't know, I-I-I m-mean-" I started to stutter before covering my mouth, smearing lipstick on my hand again.

"Hey, it's okay, breath buddy," Mort says to me and everyone else takes the hint to change the conversation, I was a mess at this point.

We continued to talk, order some food and drinks as well, which got destroyed twice before actually getting to us, I couldn't eat though, the pit in my gut from nervousness made me unable to even look at the food but seeing as I was so hungry, not having eating today yet, I toughed it out and forced it down my mouth slowly.

It was starting to get late and I really needed to get home so I and Mort said our goodbyes and left the cafe, walking to the bus stop. I didn't feel safe walking home alone at a later hour looking like this so Mort offered to wait with me by the bus stop until my ride home gets here, which I quickly agreed to.

As we walked to the nearest bus stop, there was silence between us. I wanted to talk to him, maybe ask him where he got so good at lying but couldn't find the right way to start a conversation. I just watched my shoes as tingle sensation lingered inside me from all the excitement of today. Then Mort spoke up when we were nearly there.

"So... How are you feeling?" Mort starts, clearly just trying to past time, though, it took me a while to answer that because I honestly had no idea.

"I don't know..." I mumble, letting my voice stay high, even though it was only me and Mort, I was just doing it for my own happiness I suppose.

"I know I should be happy, because of, you know, but I'm just kind of drained..." I mutter, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

"Oh... I guess it must have been overwhelming to do all of this in one day..." Mort said, gesturing to me, though I didn't quite understand what he meant.

"What do you mean?" I ask as we got the bus stop and was now standing there, no one else was there luckily so we could talk freely.

"I mean, if it was me in your shoes, I would have done this whole thing slowly so I wouldn't feel too... you know," Mort noted, not looking at me directly.

"Oh... I mean, I guess I did do this all so suddenly, but I thought that this was okay, I thought that I could just abandon my other life for a day but I guess not..." I mumble, feeling a bit deflated.

"Beth, transitioning is an ongoing thing, not an event, don't expect everything to change overnight, you don't even instantly react when people call you Bethany," Mort says, making me frown.

"I'm trying my best, how would you react if everyone just started calling you a different name?" I snap at him out of instinct, but he just continues talking.

"Exactly, even though you want this, it is going to take time, change, even if it's good, can be really hard to take in sometimes, just give it time," Mort noted as the bus stopped in front of us.

"I'll see you later, Beth, don't worry yourself too much about it," He said as he started to walk away and I sigh before getting on the bus.


	13. Chapter 13

Bethany's POV

When I got home, the lights were off and the doors were locked so nobody was home so I was able to relax and take off this hot and uncomfortable wig. I lay on my bed, feeling drained and heavy. I don't understand, I'm meant to be happy but I'm not, and that scares me. And even worse I've just got to continue on with my life as someone I'm not. 

It's like having a taste of the life I want so badly and then it being ripped away from me. I sigh, I'm not going to get much done just wallowing in self-pity so I should really get up and actually get started cleaning up a bit to try and distract myself so I don't fall into a panic attack. 

I take off the stuff that belongs to my mom like the shoes, ripped tights and leather jacket and place them in my mom's room after trying to clean the dirt off them, hoping she wouldn't see the bad state they were in and wouldn't yell at me for it. I then got the makeup wipes and cleaned the heavy makeup off.

After taking it off, I looked at myself in the mirror in the dress and instantly frowned for some reason, I didn't deserve this dress, only real girls got to wear a dress. In a face of frustration with myself, I took the dress off and got into a shirt and some shorts instead, playing the part of who I will always be. 

I was too tired to even get into bed properly after that and just fell onto my bed, lazily pull the unmade covers over me. I should be happy, and I guess I sort of am but at the same time I feel so bad, I feel like I was lying to my friends, if they were even my friends to begin with. 

It's like I'm living a double life but that shouldn't be the case, I just want to be Bethany, I don't want to be that other person again but I'm forced to be him, I'm supposed to just be okay with it, and that's the worse part about all of this. I let out a sigh and close my eyes, not wanting to wake up in the morning.

-

"What do you mean you don't have a job?" I hear a really loud yell from in the house, waking me up from my slumber.

It was my mom. I think she finally found out what my dad had been doing when he was at his 'job', which was actually drinking at the bar downtown, spending our money. Hearing my mom yell at my dad was really a surprise though because she was normally too scared to even talk to him.

"I did have a job, I just got fired," My dad said back, his words slurred, he was obviously drunk, I sit up and get out of bed, too scared to leave my room though.

"So what have you been doing this whole time?" My mom asks, she was clearly furious with him, I had a bad feeling in my stomach as I lean on the door to hear more.

"I don't have to tell you anything!" He screams back, they were getting louder and I found myself shaking in fear even though I wasn't the one getting yelled at.

My mom just ignored him though and continued to ask him stuff, "Is this where our money is going? To fuel your addition? I can not believe you!"

"Shut up!"

*SMASH*

*CRASH*

That was the sound of a bottle being smashed onto something or someone. Then a sound of someone falling to the ground. Then there was silence. My heart was racing, I didn't know what to do, should I go out there? I hear footsteps from outside my door and then a door slam closed.

After a few seconds, I open my door and run into the living room to feel my mom on the ground, luckily not unconscious but was holding her bleeding head, broken glass around her. I run up to her, being careful to not stand on the glass. She hears me and looks over to me, she was crying.

"Oh... Bradley, we didn't wake you up, did we?" She asks and I really didn't care enough to correct her right now, I was too scared.

"Are y-you ok-okay? D-Do you want m-me to get the fir-first a-aid?" I ask nervously, my hands shaking as she nodded weakly and I raced to the kitchen.

I open the cupboard under the sink and get the first aid and a dustpan and brush and hurry back. I cleaned up some of the glass and sat next to her, she looked so upset. I open the first aid and started to clean to blood off her. It was silent between us, it was depressing how many times I've done this for her.

"Thanks, honey..." My mom mumbles to me when I had finished patching her up was now cleaning up all the remaining glass.

"It's no problem..." I say quietly back as I stood and put all the glass from the dustpan into the trash, she stood up with me.

"You better get to bed, you look tired..." My mom said as she patted me on the head before kissing me on the forehead and let me off.

When I got back to my room, I started to shake. I'm so scared for the day where my dad will hurt her so badly and I'm not there to help her, she means a lot to me, she has protected me from my dad many times and has done so much to keep a roof over my head.

I got back into bed and tried my best not to cry, I felt pathetic, I can't do anything for her, I can't do anything useful for anyone, I might as well be better off dead, I am better off dead. I beg to fall back asleep so I have to think anymore, screwing my eyes shut.

I thankfully fell asleep not long after, but I still had the negative thoughts brewing in my head in such a self-destructive way that I can't hope but wonder if there really was a point in trying to think of myself as not useless or a constant burden. I just hope things get better soon...

-

Sunday, one more day until I would have to go back to school and be forced to interact with Milo, Melissa and Zack after my freak out on Thursday. I honestly forgot about it until now and now I'm freaking out because I would have to explain what happened and I might out myself by doing that.

I was in the dining room, doing some homework to distract myself from the ever closing day of Monday when my mom walked into the room, a gauze still on her forehead. We didn't talk while she made herself some coffee in the joined kitchen, my dad was out so the atmosphere in the house was much calmer and relaxed.

My mom then came into the dining room and sat down opposite me, mug in hand as she sipped it slowly. I put my pencil down and looked at her, thinking that she might of had something to tell me. She was staring deeply at me before pointing out.

"What's that on your upper lip?" She asked me and I looked at her confused before feeling my upper lip to feel something that made my heart stop.  
"... I have to go," I say quickly before jumping out of the seat and hurried to the bathroom, loudly closing the door behind me.

I looked at myself in the mirror to see that on my upper lip was hair. I started to shake as I covered it with my hand. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to be an early bloomer? I fell to my knees and pressed my back against the tiles on the bathroom walls.

I felt like crying, I felt like panicking, I felt awful, I hated this, I hate this body, I hate being stuck like this. A tear falls down my cheek but I quickly scratch at my face to try and make it go away but more just fell and I just scratched at my face until it hurt as I cry, trying to be as silent. Jeez, I'm such a crybaby... 

That's when my mom came into the bathroom to check on me but probably got a more worried as she saw me on the verge of a panic attack. She approached me and quickly noticed what I was doing and grabbed my wrist to stop me from scratching my face painfully.

"Bradley- I mean, Bethany, are you okay? What's going on?" My mom asks but I stayed silent, I didn't want to hear my voice right now, I hated it.

"Is this got to do with your upper lip thing?" My mom asked me and I nodded, another tear falling from my eye, which my mom wiped away with her thumb as she cupped my cheek.

"Oh honey, you know you can just shave it right?" She said but I just lean into her hand, craving physical contact right now.

"I don't know how to..." I admit, looking away from her, I tried to shave once before multiple times but it turns out I'm not very good at it, plus it really hurt.

"I'll teach you, it'll be fine, just a bit of mother and um... daughter bonding," My mom said, a bit hesitant to call me her daughter but that was fine.

"Yeah, that's sounds good! If you want to that is..." I say, adding the last part when I realized I was too excited about this than I should be.

"Of course I wouldn't..." My mom smiled gently to me and ruffled my hair before pressing a kiss to my forehead, making me smile as well.

 

-

 

A couple of issues and pain later, I had finally gotten rid of all the hair on my legs, arms and upper lip, and boy did it feel good. I felt more graceful and happy with my body, sure it wasn't perfect and me and my mom both weren't sure about how to shave my upper lip but we somehow did it in the end.

I thanked my mom and finished my homework before escaping back to my room to look at myself in the mirror for a couple of hours. I forgot how much I hated my hair, it was so smooth now, it felt nice. I smile to myself as I lay down on my bed with my phone on hand as I texted Mort.

Bethany: Hey, I'm bored, what you up to?

Mort: Nothing much  
M: u excited about school tomorrow?

B: Do you think I would be excited?  
B: It's going to be even worse seeing as the last time Milo and his friends saw boy me was on Thursday with that train wreck of emotions.

M: Oh damn yeah, I totally forgot about that, what are you going to do if they try to talk to you about it?

B: I don't know, I have no idea what to do and I'm honestly freaking out about it... :(

M: Hey, don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll be fine, and if you really want me to, I could message them to not bother you about it. 

B: Oh my god that would be amazing, if you could do that, that would really help so much, thank you

M: It's no problem dude :))  
M: Wait, do you still want me to call you dude?

B: I don't really mind, I know other trans girl mind but I think guys and dude are gender neutral so I don't mind really.

M: Alright cool, I've got to go but I'll you Monday :))

B: See you later..

I turn off my phone and stare up at the ceiling, thoughts were constantly busy in my head ever since Friday, not knowing how things were going to be, seeing as I've kind of got a double life now, even if I don't want it to be a double life... I sigh to myself, I wish I could just wait up and I was in the body I wanted, the life I wanted...

But I guess that was asking for too much...

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and kudos if you want more! :D  
> Just kidding, I've already written more, just try to stop me


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